u/Emergency_Cherry_843

My now ex and I met through a dating app while we were both traveling. From our first date, the connection felt instant and honestly kind of magical. We clicked immediately and both felt like we could be really good together, but the problem was that we lived a 6-hour flight apart.

Despite the distance, we kept talking. Over time, through multiple trips to see each other and a lot of effort from both sides, we built trust and eventually got into a committed relationship.

Before we became official, I knew he had issues with dating apps. He admitted he sometimes went on them just to swipe, talk to women, or get validation/attention when he was bored or stressed. I confronted him about it early on, and he agreed to stop. I genuinely trusted that he had.

A few days ago, his ex texted me saying one of her friends matched with him on a dating app. She sent screenshots, so I know it was real. I confronted him immediately and broke up with him almost instantly, before I even fully processed it. He said he had only been on the app for one day and claimed he downloaded it because he was stressed with school.

The thing is, part of me understands him. Long distance relationships can feel emotionally incomplete sometimes, no matter how much you love someone. I’d be lying if I said I never craved validation or attention from people physically closer to me too. He keeps saying that if we weren’t long distance, none of this would’ve happened and we would’ve been really good together. Part of me actually believes that.

But another part of me feels like someone who truly loved me wouldn’t have done this in the first place.

What makes this hard is that I don’t see him as some evil manipulative person. I know he loved me in many ways, and I still love him too. That’s why I feel torn between understanding him and deeply resenting what he did.

I already broke up with him, but part of me wants to give him another chance to change. At the same time, I know I probably need more time to process everything. My fear is that if I take too much time apart, I’ll resent him even more if we get back together because I’ll never know whether he talked to other people in the meantime.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Is this something people genuinely grow out of, or is this just who he is?