My homoerotic friendship still haunts me
I posted this on the bisexual subreddit but I thought I’d post it here too because some people might relate to this rant/experience.
It’s honestly so embarrassing but I had the most intense homoerotic friendship with my ex best friend. Basically when we first met I swore she gave off bi or les vibes. She was a tomboy with short nails and she served like masc lesbian realness. Anyways when we first hung out it felt so much like a date. She bought me food and a tshirt (I didn’t ask for it and thats something a friend has never done for me casually especially first time hanging out), she paid for us to take photos in the photobooth (her idea), it legit felt like a date. She held open doors for me too.
Anyways she later found out I had a crush on her but she wasn’t weirded out at all. Actually she said “I can’t believe someone like you would have a crush on me” in a self deprecating way/compliment to me.
She began to get more femine but was still a goth metalhead but either way I was still in love with her. She was so protective over me and would get very defensive for me. One time I had a crush on this guy and every time he would walk by us she would put her arm around my shoulders which I was like ???
She would “jokingly” flirt with me when she knew I liked her.
She told me “Even when you’re just doing nothing you’re the prettiest girl in the world”
One time out with our friends we were walking out of In N Out and one of my friends asked her “You’re straight, right?” And then she looks at me even though I didn’t ask the question and says, “I think so.”
She said if we got married I should hyphenate my last name with hers.
She said I was something she liked to take care of.
And then…she got a boyfriend. She became super obsessed with him and yk good for her. But then last year something changed.
I had just turned 18 and decided to mess around with dating apps. I matched with this guy who I really liked and I showed him to the gc and she messaged me privately saying he looked too much like her boyfriend and that it was weird. The only explanation she could give me was that she was “weirded out” and idk maybe Im delusional but that seems like such a cover up answer. Is it really cause this dude looked like her boyfriend? Cause it was extremely out of character for her. I felt like maybe she…was struggling having feelings for me? She also would never call herself straight or identified as straight. Ofc this could mean anything but…
Anyways long story short she got super mad at me and dropped me. It still haunts me to this day because I genuinely believe what we had wasn’t just a friendship. Im working on getting over it. I still hope one day she comes back into my life