I fear my relationship is screwed
First bits first, she’s aromantic, and I knew that going into this relationship but I guess I didn’t think on how that’d affect me. Like on the one hand I knew going in I’d probably never hear the words “I love you” detected at me, to her dogs sure but never to me. In a wild out there exaggerated way I guess this is a bit of a religious experience, call me Icarus for she is the sun, I’ve flown to close and now my wings must melt and I fall to the ground. That sun goddess whose smile is the radiant dawn and whose laughter is the twinkling of stars that I’ve gazed upon so longingly, worshiped fervently, looks impassively at my pain. I was raised to serve the ones I love, to ask only what else can I do to bring them joy, and to hide any pain and suffering I’m going through since it’s a sign of weakness. Problem is I’m also kinda dumb, like I’m almost 40 and will likely never own a house because nobody told me the path I should’ve been on was multiple jobs, like if I’d been working 2-3 jobs simultaneously for the past 20 years I’d be exhausted but probably able to afford a place. A place where she could live.
Then today she hits me with a text “Hey. Would it be okay to maybe not get a pun anymore? I’ve sat with my feelings on it for a while and have realized I find it annoying that you’re not messaging me anything with more substance. So no more puns please.” For context I’ve sent her a pun about every other day for a little over 3 years. And apparently I got her the wrong flowers for Valentine’s Day. One of our friends suggested I get her some and sent 2 pics, what I didn’t know was she’d sent them those pic specifically looking for either of those two bouquets. Well I guess I didn’t see either of those at the store and snagged one that was closest in appearance. Now gfs not really a flower girly in the first place but this incident has put her off flowers completely.
I know I’m being hard on myself and that things, while currently bad, will eventually look up but damn does it hurt. And that little scumbag living in my brain is having a heyday whispering in my ear how worthless and useless I really am.