u/ElectronicSignal9478

moments after joining this sub (i have been making fairy inspired art lately) i walked into my living room and saw a small, brown flying being. i am terrified of bugs and always kill them without thinking (i know please forgive me) but i said “you’re a fairy aren’t you” and i put my hand out and it landed on me. i am not kidding as soon as it landed on me it flew away magically and i never saw it again.

none of my windows were open. i never have anything flying in my apartment. one time this year a house fly was flying around but other than that, this is a creature i never saw before. i have been a believer in the fae since childhood, my mom as an adult believing really meant a lot to me and i used to try to connect with them as a child. this was the most obvious and peaceful encounter. i knew exactly what had happened. i hope this doesn’t sound crazy, i am just truly shocked. what a special moment.

*to add, I can’t even make out what it looked like in detail, because it wasn’t bug like at all

**edit: i did not know of this disrespectful connotation of the f* word until reading through this sub and now i feel horrible! if anyone reads this, can i make amends?

I am genuinely asking this and not being funny but does anyone else experience this? I feel like if I mask I am hated, if I am honest to their face I am hated and there really is no in between. People don’t want to be told how you feel to their face and they don’t want you talking to others about how feel about them. I have unfortunately been too trusting and have opened up to people about things that have reached the other person when really I just needed someone to get my feelings out to and move on and now years later I am suffering the consequences despite apologizing sincerely and trying to move on and grow.

Is this common with autism? If I have a strong opinion negatively about somebody but I am forced to be around them not by choice, am I supposed to be hateful to them to their face to be considered honest? I am only human and need people to talk to about how I feel but within the past few years I have been in therapy where I bring up these feelings instead of to close friends to be respectful of the other person. Isn’t it normal that we talk to one another about our opinions of others if we expect it to be between the two of us?

I feel scared to tell anyone anything and I have so many trust issues already on top of being autistic and dealing with uncontrollable word vomit and the immediate regret we feel after. I have been isolated now for a year and have only hung out with one person once when I used to be highly socially motivated. I am almost fearful that it has to be this way or else I am going to ruin every connection I make