Breakup - need help
Post- Break up glow up advice needed. Not just looks but to heal and feel happy w myself also!!
Okay so I just got out of my first relationship and honestly I’m heartbroken trying to process all of it.
We met last year on a dating app after I had finished medical school and started residency in surgery. From the beginning I was very direct that I wanted something serious and long term, and he said the same things — that he believed in marriage, wanted commitment, and was looking for a future with someone. At first he came across caring and affectionate and constantly told me how much he loved me and cared about me.
But over time I started realizing the relationship was becoming very one-sided. Even after 24-hour shifts, I would be the one driving to see him, making the effort, trying to spend quality time together, trying to communicate, trying to fix things. Meanwhile, I never really felt chosen or prioritized by him. There was always an excuse for why the effort couldn’t be reciprocated.
He followed a bunch of female athletes and influencers online and whenever I expressed discomfort about it, he made me feel crazy, insecure, or controlling for bringing it up instead of actually trying to understand why it bothered me. I slowly started doubting myself and questioning whether my feelings were even valid. He spent 20 minutes talking to another girl and when I was visibly in the car after the party upset he said I was overreacting.
And I remember when he wanted to be intimate, I was hesitant since it’s my first time and expressed I wanted to be sure this was the right person and despite that he continues saying how that is a big part of the relationship and he doesn’t know if he will stay and etc then it happened… I cried so much but he said I was overrreacting etc. I don’t know haha a little traumatized and not sure how to set this boundary in my next relationship… so any advice on that would help!
I had to fight just to feel important during basic relationship milestones. I fought for New Year’s Eve plans, for my birthday, and for Valentine’s Day. I spent Valentine’s Day crying on his couch while he told me it was “commercial” and that his family didn’t believe in celebrating it. That moment honestly broke something in me because I realized I was begging for very basic care and consideration.
A couple weeks later I ended the relationship, even though I had already brought up my unhappiness multiple times before that. But after the breakup, instead of handling things with kindness or respect, he became extremely hurtful. I kept reaching out hoping he would fight for us or show some level of care, and instead he started criticizing my appearance and attacking my confidence. He told me I was fat, said our physical relationship “turned him off,” said I was hairier than girls he had dated before, and made comments comparing me to his exes who were all Caucasian while I’m South Asian. He also criticized how much I moved or exercised even though I’m literally a resident doctor working exhausting hours, walking 7k–10k steps daily, and still trying to make time to work out. For context, I’m 5’7 and around 65 kg.
It felt like every insecurity I had ever trusted him with got weaponized against me once I no longer fit into the relationship the way he wanted. He also admitted after the breakup that he didn’t actually value marriage the way he originally claimed to and said he didn’t see a future with me, which made me question how much of the relationship was even real in the first place.
One of the moments that hurt me the most was when I asked him after the breakup if he still loved me. I told him I loved him, and he just stayed silent on the phone. That silence honestly felt more painful than words.
Then during one of our final conversations — over a month after the breakup — he started becoming sexual with me even though I was clearly emotional and uncomfortable. That was kind of my final wake-up call, and I blocked him after that.
Once he lost his job… I ended up paying for like 5/7 dates for both of us and even paid for his gas… got us matching running shoes since he loved to run. Now I feel so stupid go not respecting myself.
I texted his mom to thank her for hosting me and she told me that I am better off without her son and she hopes I find someone who makes me happy.
Later I found out he had already made a new dating profile full of shirtless pictures saying he wanted something short-term and casual. Seeing that after everything he had promised me made the entire relationship feel confusing and fake.
I think what’s hardest isn’t even losing him …it’s walking away feeling like my self-esteem got destroyed by someone I loved deeply and tried very hard for. I keep replaying everything wondering how someone who once claimed to care about me could become so cold, critical, and disrespectful in the end.
Any advice to move on, overcome this and love myself again?