Am I Wrong for Feeling Frustrated That My Wife Prioritizes Her Family Financially Over Ours?
My wife and I are currently having problems because of finances, and honestly I don’t know anymore if my frustration is valid or if I’m just becoming selfish.
For years, I’ve been handling around 80% of our expenses while she covers maybe 20%. I never really complained because I know she helps her parents, siblings, and even pays for her sister’s tuition. I understood that part and tried to support her.
But what slowly built up my frustration is that it feels like she always finds a way to help her family financially, while sometimes she doesn’t even have money left for our own household or even small things for our toddler. Recently, she borrowed a very small amount from me, and somehow that became the trigger for everything I’ve been bottling up for years.
Another issue is that she keeps lending money to her siblings and even their partners. The problem is, the money she lends usually comes from bank loans or borrowed money too. Then when those people don’t pay on time, she gets stressed and asks help from me. I always told her from the start that I disagree with lending money like that, especially if it affects our own house budget and stability.
Now she wants me to help cover those situations, but honestly I don’t want to anymore if it’s because of other people’s responsibilities. If it’s for her directly, I would help without thinking twice. But if it’s because someone borrowed from her and didn’t pay back, I feel like that shouldn’t become my burden too.
We talked about this 2 days ago but didn’t really solve anything. We tried talking again, but somehow I feel like I’m the one ending up apologizing and trying to fix things by hugging her and making peace for the sake of our toddler, even while I’m still frustrated inside.
I think my biggest issue is that our priorities feel very different. She’s very kind and generous to her parents and siblings, but sometimes I feel like our own family comes second.
I honestly want outside opinions.