TLTR: He used as evidence for me having Borderline:
my reaction at his sudden break up
me being overwhelmed and "making a lot of fuss about nothing" because of one sided household chores and one sided grocery expenses
me crying often because of a toxic friendship which he forced me to stay in with a mutual friend with impulsive Borderline.
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I was together with a person with diagnosed quiet BPD for about 6 months. Lived together with him for 2 months.
He told me he would marry me in some months. Suddenly he decided to break up at 3am and threw me, with all my belongings, out of the apartment. He told me he could not bare to be near his now Ex.
I begged him to not do this. We planned a future together and I had my exams in some weeks with nowhere to stay in the city. I have already terminated my rental agreement and moved out to move in with him.
My parents drove 100km to pick me up.
Some days later he invited me again to "his" apartment. He talked about the reasons for the break up and told me he was 100% sure I had Borderline.
He used my reaction on the break up day as evidence for my borderline tendencied. Also he said that I do not have my emotions under control.
Living with him was hard because he did not clean after himself. Everything was always a mess. I asked him for help but he said it's not that bad. The worst thing is that he always put things like sponges out of reach for me (he did not even use them himself). So I had to either wait for him to come home or buy new ones. Also I needed to sit on the floor because he said I do not need a table to sit at while he had bought himself a huge one. I had no money to buy myself a table because all my money was spent for his expensive food needs (starbucks coffee, premium meat etc.).
I often cried, felt overwhelmed. I lived alone before and could manage everything perfectly. Money was never tight and I only needed to spend 30 minutes a day cleaning. But with him? I was always out of money. I am an university student. My family supported me with 35€ a week for groceries and I had some aid from the state for rent and other costs. He knew about my financial situation. I had no money within 2 weeks even tough I cut my own costs for food to 10€ per week.
At the same time he pushed me to stay friends with someone with impulsive Borderline. This person even said things to my partner like "I wish she was dead" when they were calling. I did not want to be friends with him but my partner always told me that I am a horrible person if I end the friendship just because of his borderline.
So I stayed in this friendship till the friend told me he never has considered me a friend but always only a tool and a number. I bawled my eyes out. My partner told me I was overreacting
That was another thing my partner used to justify that I have Borderline. I cried almost every day while living together with him.
Every day was mentally draining. I kept my struggles often to myself and told myself: "This is just life. Life is hard for everyone". Just cried in the bathroom and then went on with my life.
This happened 2 years ago but still haunts me. Yesterday I caught myself researching again if I really could have Borderline. He also called me a narcicisst in the relationship and I believed him. But Borderline?
In my eyes borderline was always the "I love you so much
... okay... no... now I hate you" mental disorder. I just felt like my emotional instability was just me being overwhelmed and stressed but his words made me unsure about that