**As a disclaimer, I am discussing getting a diagnosis for some personality disorders I can very much identify with as a result of abuse from my parents. I am posting here solely to receive advice for moving out and getting through my struggles, so in terms of my actual diagnosis, I read the rules of this subreddit, and I'll do my very best to keep that stuff as purely contextual as I possibly can, but advice for that stuff is more than welcome**
I'm 20 years old (M), and I've lived with my narcissistic mother and enabling father for 20 years. At around age 5 or 6, I was diagnosed with ADHD, something that is not (according to some introductory neuropsych testing that I am pursuing on my own time) apparently evident whatsoever. Regardless, I've been put on 18 different types of SSRI's, stimulants, and even antipsychotics for some time. So growing up with these constant med changes was already hell on earth. As a result of this as well as the abuse I will mention later, I developed a dissociated view of the world. All emotions outside of my own are completely superficial from my perspective. This has kinda always manifested as me being a people pleaser, because my biggest fear is being a failure, so that characteristic has definitely kept me out of trouble. Having realized that after stopping all medications, I am now pursuing another neuropsych eval (as mentioned before)
Regardless, my mother has always been a narcissist. Arguing with her is like arguing with a broken record that also has control over your finances. Without getting into the weeds of it, my feelings have been gaslit, dismissed and manipulated over these 20 years on top of the emotionally hostile environment my parents created between each other with their own arguments. Anyway, I went through a mental health crisis last year as a result of going off of medications, and I probably wouldn't be here if it weren't for a Philosophy professor that saved my life and taught me (without actually knowing my situation weirdly enough) not only that my life was worth living, but taught me how to navigate life as a good and caring person despite my lack of empathy or guilt.
However, I need a change. It's been indescribable how much of my emotion and CPTSD I bottle up, and I need to move out. As far as my parents and I are aware, I am planning to go to college a couple hours away from where I live with them now. I work in hospitality, so almost the entire staff I made up of people who moved out as a result of abuse, so it's good to go to them for advice.
But I've hit a few roadblocks that are troubling me in terms of finances:
-I need credit to get an apartment (as well as pay for student loans), but I can't apply for it until a security freeze put in by my parents gets lifted. I am having trouble with TransUnion as they require an account to be associated with my credit to manage any of that stuff. However, that account is my mother's, and I don't know if I should mail in a request to unfreeze because then my mother would be notified by email, and I will have no explanation for that. Is there a way around this?
-If I am paying for my own education now, where do I get started with student loans? There's a ridiculous amount of info online with no starting point in sight, but again, the credit thing needs to be addressed first.
Anything helps, thank you.