19m need really need some advice right now
First i would like to start this off by saying I’m not a really good talker I keep to myself and don’t really talk to people about how I feel and what not for example I’m kinda like the dude that will smile and laugh at anything but in my head ill be like dang can you go away now. But recently I’ve been really struggling mentally and need to say this somewhere so someone can hear me. Ill give a little backstory i graduated high school didn’t work for about a year decided i wanted to go to the army ship day came and I ran away into the woods ignored all my family’s calls and sat there thinking i wish i could just run anywhere but i decided to call them back they were all crying a worrying and I didn’t feel bad at all, I didn’t say anything about why I ran I don’t even know why but it just felt right. Then a month later I get a job with my dad ive been working there for about 6 months now and it is draining my mental so bad and Its not a hard job at all and Im pretty good at it, i don’t know what to do I don’t have a bad life and have a loving family and like 2 good friends but Im in my head so much and have bad thoughts of things which ik ill never do but just say it anyways. Ill hang out with my friends and be all happy then I leave and the next thing ik Im in my head again talking to myself thinking how bad I want out. I feel horrible for feeling this way because I know other people have things so much more worse than me. I just feel like I need some advice just incase this gets any worse I hate feeling this way it feels selfish.