So for context my (27M) girlfriend (23F) is undocumented. She was born in my country but neither of her parents recognized her as she was supposed to be aborted. She has lived a difficult life and has told me some of her personal experiences. About three weeks into getting to know her she communicated this to me and I told her that it should not affect the relationship and that we should continue to get to know each other. Well, this is one of those things where I had to experience it to really understand that this just isn't for me.
Fast forward 4 months, we've experienced several situations due to her undocumented status: high bills for emergency care due to no insurance, cancelling trips due to hotels requiring documentation, and two very recent stressful military checkpoints. The checkpoints tend to occur in the same areas at the same times, so I knew which routes to avoid, but in both cases it was in an unexpected place at an unexpected time. They asked for documentation, and I had to convince them to let us go, and in the second case I had to pay them off about US$200.00 which is a lot in my country.
I made the decision to no longer drive with her in the vehicle. This forces us to only spend time at my house or in public places, and even between my house and where she takes public transportation there's a risk that one day the military checkpoints will be there. It just feels too restricting.
She's been great to be honest: very caring, very communicative, although sometimes negative, and through her I've learned a lot about managing a relationship and difficult situations. But this is starting to become stressful for both of us. We've spoken about her process to become documented and honestly it's unclear and the timeline could be years for all I know. The fact that at 23 years old she's still not documented and has been trying for years means it's very likely she will not resolve this anytime soon and this puts pressure on her. This paired with only meeting at home or in public areas just isn't sustainable. I understand this situation is not her fault, but it's ultimately her responsability and it's going to affect both of us.
Another reason why I want to end this is because there were multiple ocassions where we'd have arguments and she would say insulting things and then apologize once we reconciled. But those things she said about me were true to her in the moment, it was how she thought of me. She lives about 30 minutes from my house, and I can either drive her there or I can drop her off at the bus stop. I asked her once to take the bus because I genuinely did not want to drive an hour. She refused multiple times kind of jokingly, but ultimately never really agreed to take the bus so I took her. When we were arriving she points out a guy who's the husband of her coworker and she says "he's very short, just like you". I kind of just looked at her and asked her if she was serious and she said "well it's true isn't it". For reference I'm 5'8, which is literally the average. Granted I was already stressed from work and my mothers care taking, but I told her that I felt insulted and that she wasn't taking into consideration the time I input into driving her home. This turned into an argument: she started referencing moments where I made jokes that offended her that I had already apologized for, made comments like "you're too sensitive, it's like you're made of glass" or "you're behaving like an 8 year old". I just let her talk all she wanted, and when she noticed I was distancing myself she apologized and said her comment was a joke, which it clearly wasn't. It just didn't feel genuine and other situations like this have happened in the past. I get that sometimes we make comments without intention of hurting others, but all I expected was her to simply apologize and the first thing she does is argue back and try insulting me. This has gotten a lot better, but like the undocumented issues I know it will present itself again. This kind of behavior is also likely due to her up bringing, where in her family nobody really accepted her and often times would just argue or hit her without justification. But this doesn't excuse her behavior regardless.
I would appreciate your guys' perspective on this, but I will most likely just end the relationship and wish her well. I have to think about myself first.