Partner charged with false allegations, and it has been ruining our lives for almost two years.
I'm not a typical Reddit user, so I created a throwaway. Forgive me if I've done something wrong.
More than a year ago, my partner's ex made serious false allegations against him after he refused to give up custody of their kid. I do not seek to discriminate against anyone with mental health issues (as a sufferer myself). However, the ex's personality disorders have been a major issue, impacting everyone around her prior to this. My partner and his family were victims of her behaviour for years, but did not expect her to go this far.
We did not know that you could be arrested and charged with a crime based solely on someone's word as evidence. My partner has been arrested and treated like a disgusting and dangerous criminal. On one hand, it is relieving that women are being taken seriously, but in our case, it's terrifying. The ex is known to her family and others as a liar and manipulator. I can't share some of the details as it's an ongoing case, but there is police bias involved, and her actions are textbook 'Silver Bullet Method'.
My partner and his extended family have been through hell and back. They were not privy to any workings of criminal law and were at a loss as to what to do, but I instructed my partner not to talk without a lawyer. But he is yet to say a single word to advocate for himself. For the first six months, we showed up to court every month waiting for evidence to be put forward. Nothing. All this time, my partner was unable even to say a word to his child. Eventually, the original accusation was set aside. Then she made even worse (and disgusting) allegations. They are all over the place, so I am confused why it hasn't been thrown out. My partner is a very sweet, gentle, and kind man. When I began dating him, it was clear that he had been a victim of her abuse. Not the other way around. Everyone wanted him to leave her for years, but he was scared of what she would do.
He couldn't stop throwing up when we read the disgusting things she was claiming. As a victim of assault and an advocate for women, I do not take these accusations lightly. On one hand, I am glad that the police are taking it so seriously. On the other hand, my innocent partner has now been waiting almost two years to have any evidence presented. He hasn't even had the opportunity to tell his story, tell them that he didn't do it, that he is innocent. Court is adjourned like clockwork every single month. He cries every day because he misses his kid. He feels like he has burdened everyone, even though it's not his fault. This case has made him lose job opportunities. Has caused so much pain to the family. He has to wear an ankle monitor, and the cops show up in the middle of the night regularly. We have lost all hope of having a normal life.
Is there any way that we can recover from this? False allegations are rare, but when they happen to you, it feels like such an enormous injustice. We understand that this process must be followed, but it has done so much damage to my partner, his family, and, I assume, his kid. We heard through a friend that he is not doing well under her care. As they are only quite young, this will cause them so much long-term psychological damage, and there's nothing that my partner can do because he's been ripped from them. I know it is likely that they won't want to see him after this is all done. But when will it be done?
It's been almost two years, and a trial date hasn't even been set, which will most likely be another 18 months. The lawyers say 'yes, it is awful, but it is within parameters'. Who do you turn to when the structures meant to protect you are doing the opposite? This would have already destroyed his reputation if it hadn't been clear to everybody who knows him and her that he is innocent. But it has already ruined so many lives. We can't imagine what families go through when innocent people are actually found guilty. At this point, we cannot consider that a possibility without ceasing to function. Does anybody who has gone through this have any advice on how to keep moving forward? Is there a way to fight for reform? We are exhausted.