I just harmed myself, intentionally and seriously, for the first time in 7 years. I chew my lips and pinch my skin daily, but I actually went out of my way to seek it out.
I just can't cope with a) the world and b) my place in it. I'm disabled, with chronic pain & fatigue, was medically retired at 31, and I'm trans in a country that's scaling back trans rights daily. There's active genocides and fascism on the rise. The goddamn conspiracy nuts were right and the world truly is run by rich nonces. Everything is just too much all of the time.
I know I'm going to have to tell my husband in the morning and I already feel so guilty because I know he'll be so upset. And I don't even feel like it helped my emotional state so it was pointless 🙃
If the world doesn't fuck it up, I sure will, huh?