This Is Agony
Just let me rant. I’m not looking for advice because it’s pointless.
I have so much I want to do. So much stuff I fantasize about accomplishing but I just can’t do it. I’ve taken the semester off for NOTHING. I see all these “You do enough!” encouraging words but IT’S A LIE. I’ve done NOTHING to improve myself. Therapy is just chat and all these meds I’ve shuffled through are sugar pills. My mom is working her butt off in this garbage economy and I’m moping in my bedroom watching all my friends graduate like competent adults. I’m the same lazy bum I was at the end of last semester. I’m the same lazy bum as my college freshman self 5 years ago. I’m the exact same lazy bum in MIDDLE SCHOOL who always did stuff at the last second when I knew I’d be stressed out trying to finish. I can’t do anything I actually want or need to do. I’ve read ADHD books and all of the solutions are to write down every minute of my day. yeah, uh huh, okay. I’ll do that. I start it and only do it for 2 days. Story of my life for everything I touch. I can’t finish anything. I‘m ready to drop out and repeat the cycle of no education in my family because I can’t sit still long enough to study.
I’m over myself. There is no saving me. I want it to end now but for some reason that makes me the most selfish person on earth.