BLT on white.
Today as the new internet was being installed, I realized that the 5 year plan I had for myself has gone off the rails and out the window. Everything has changed and I haven’t hit any of the goals I set for myself. I don’t have any kind of significant romantic relationship, I’m back living with my parents, and I feel like life is passing me by.
5 years ago, I temporarily moved home to stay with mom as she recovered from surgery. And because of how things went down with the pandemic I ended up moving back to my home town permanently. Because I had pets, and my hometown is against pet friendly rentals, I stayed with my parents. My thought process was that I would stay with them until I found a pet friendly apartment. Then my dad was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. Mild, but evident. And my mom fell apart at the news and begged me to stay.
On one hand, I’m glad I’ve stayed - having this time with my dad has been amazing. Getting to know him and mom as adults and more like friends is wonderful. But they are hard to live with a lot of the time. We have very different styles of housekeeping; I’m adventurous with my cooking and they exist on meat and potatoes. I can’t have friends over easily. And forget about dating.
I just feel like my life is on hold. I’m 39 and I didn’t see my life going this way. I thought I’d be in a serious relationship with someone by now. I miss having my own space. I feel so guilty for wanting more than what living with my parents allows for. I feel like no one will want to date me once they hear I live with my parents. I feel like I let myself down.
Can someone just tell me it’s not too late for the things I want and desire? 🥲