[Question] Spent a decade letting my job structure my life. Now on sabbatical and I can't even build a simple morning routine.
For the last decade I'd wake up right before my work day started, shower, work, evenings were mostly chores followed by drifting off into sleep. The structure was imposed on me by my job, and I tried not to fix it after several failed attempts. I blamed it on my job. It's hectic and leaves me feeling exhausted, no time to spare for what I want to work on for my personal growth.
Finally, after years of working as a software developer I was burned out and decided to take a sabbatical. I thought I'd love it. I had 100 plans for my days, starting with building a healthy morning routine. My goal has always been to become a better version of myself, more routined and disciplined, and I always told myself I'd be that person if I only had the time.
Instead what actually happened was, I'd wake up feeling completely lost. Or with this feeling of I have so much time, what's the rush, and I'd lie in bed refusing to get up until the morning was already drifting away. It was fine for a few days. But days turned into weeks turned into months, and I was left with this looming, subtle hate for myself I couldn't shake.
What bothers me most is every person I look up to has a morning routine they swear by - even if very minimal. I've tried to build one a hundred times. It works for 2 to 3 days and then just falls apart, and I can't figure out why.
Been thinking about it a lot and I think it's this. I go to bed every night without deciding anything about tomorrow. Just scroll till I pass out. So when I wake up there's nothing waiting. I don’t have a plan, or a vision of the version of me I’m chasing in life (fitter, smarter, more well read). And then I'm somehow surprised when I can't drag myself out of bed for a routine or activity I barely committed to the night before.
I feel like the way to conquer my days is to conquer the mornings. If I could just wake up at a reasonable time (say 7am) and spend the first few minutes orienting myself with meditation, stretching, setting one goal for the day, that's probably what I need to bring some structure into my life. I also think I need a daily reminder of the person I'm trying to become, so I don't lose track of the mindset translated into actions I want to carry into my day.
In fact, perhaps waking up with intention starts the night before? It’s about what thoughts you go to bed with. If I don’t orient myself the night before, I would most likely wake up feeling lost - can anyone validate this?
Does anyone else face this or has faced it in the past? (Would make me feel less miserable)
Need tips on how do you orient yourself on a daily basis when you don't have an external force like a job deciding your schedule but still have personal goals to chase?