I'm not sure how much of this crosses over into domestic violence but things have gotten really severe and I'm having a hard time sorting out my emotions. My ex (35M) and I (27F) were together for almost 7 years. In November 2025 I left the first time after a long period of him having severe mental health issues and alcoholism. He never hit me but towards the end he became very rough with me and would consistently push my boundaries. It culminated in him getting arrested after a night of drinking at a bar while I was at home with his daughter (11F, from his old relationship). Admittedly this was probably the wrong way of doing it but I left while he was at work and left a letter at home. I moved into my own place and it was quiet for a while until I found messages on tiktok where I forgot to block him. He was threatening suicide and it pulled me back in so I foolishly engaged. His daughter was quite attached to me so he has been trying to get me to give him another chance for months, saying that he considers me to be her real mother, using her as leverage, etc. It has been back and forth ever since but between November and now he has broken into my apartment and threatened to drive his car off a bridge while we were both in it. He has begged and pleaded for hours at a time for another chance even though I keep saying no.
Despite this I feel bad for having an appointment with a lawyer to get a protective order in place. He is trying to go back to the military so he can take care of his daughter and he keeps texting me about how I wasted years of his life ajd I uses him for money, etc. Even though I cared for him wjen he was in and out of the psych ward. I really just want this to go away and i don't know if I'm justified in getting a protective order considered how I came back to him twice before leaving him for good. Just today he was knocking on my door for hours and for some stupid reason I am considering canceling my appointment because he never hurt or raped me.