He only realized he was sharing their body with her a few months ago.
Standing in front of the mirror, he gets to work. He’s not exactly sure when it was he first felt her presence, because he’s learned that she’s probably always been there. He doesn’t know if she originally was in control and he took over later, but he’s been at the helm long enough for him to forget she ever even existed until recently.
Applying some color corrector on their five o-clock shadow, he wonders who she is. Is she who he has always been? Is she a fully realized version of who he wants to be? In fact, is she even separate from him? Is there a point where he ends and she begins, or is she simply him and him her?
Moving onto foundation, he clears their head. Who is what doesn’t matter to him. None of that matters to him. Because he knows she exists. Because he knows he’s trapped her in their body, willingly or unwillingly. Because he understands — no, feels — her pain at being stuck inside their shared form and not knowing how to get out. Because he promised he’d get her out of there — no matter what.
Curling their eyelashes next, he thinks about how little he knows about her. He’s felt her pangs of hope, of recognition, when dressing in cute clothes he hurriedly bought online. He knows she — he? Maybe both of them — felt more comfortable, but is that her style? Their style? He got them a haircut and started styling it different, but it didn’t feel like the end goal. She wants it longer, so they’ll grow it longer; thankfully, he doesn’t seem to mind much.
Popping open the mascara, he thinks for a moment: even though he knows she’s there and can feel her emotions and desires and needs, he has no idea about anything else. What does she look like? What does she sound like? How does she act? Does she make the same jokes? Does she have the same interests?
He bent over to fluff out their hair. At the end of the day, he doesn’t want to worry too much about the what-ifs. Even if he’s been the one put in control of their body, she’s been along for the ride the whole time. She can’t be all that different from him. She’s probably just like him. Just cuter, probably.
He flicked their head up to get their hair to its resting position. And as he looked towards the mirror, he froze, as it wasn’t him, but her that stared back.
For the first time, they looked at each other: him in complete awe that he actually managed to do it; her in shock that she actually made it out.
How did this happen? Nothing changed — their body, their face, and everything has looked like this before. In fact, he swore they looked just like this two seconds ago. But no, he knows that face. He knows that figure in the mirror. He may have never seen it before, but he knows. It’s her. It’s undoubtedly her.
Their mind races as she feels the air around her for the first time in so long. How long has it been since she’s been out? It feels like forever, but yet everything feels so familiar. Their heart is pounding — from excitement, from fear, from…joy.
He looked down at their left hand, and she did the same; he then when to their right, and she followed suit; he quickly shot up both their arms, and they had a look of wonder on their face as she did too.
This isn’t a dream. This is real.
They both held their breath and stared intensely at each other — as if taking one more breath would cause one of them to disappear. And in this magical moment, they were both at a loss of what to do, but knew that this moment was one they’d remember for as long as they lived. His lip started quivering, and her eyes started tearing up, both of them becoming overwhelmed with emotion. They locked eyes, and, in unison, they greeted each other in the strongest voice they could manage:
“Hey.”
—————————
Thank you for reading my short story! I don’t think I’m the greatest writer, but I’ve been getting back into it over the past few months as I’ve become more and more certain about my gender identity. I based this off of my own experience of working to myself in my own reflection; even though I still don’t see “her” 100% of the time, I know she’s there, and I’m going to work like hell to make sure she’s the only thing I can see. I’m going to get her out of there.
I also wanted to share this story as a sort of celebration: as of this morning, I am officially on HRT!!! Words cannot describe how happy and grateful and joyful I am, and I hope that everyone can experience even the smallest bit of similar happiness that I feel now.
I hope you all have an amazing remainder of your day.