u/Efficient_Sundae_471

Hi everyone.

My partner (31M) and I (28F) have been together for 11 years, we just got married last year in May 2025 and the past 11 months were amazing. Our relationship has always been great, no relationship is perfect, but we managed to build something strong & stable. In november, my husband went to his Psych NP to restart his adderall for his ADHD, but got diagnosed with OCD, and started on Lexapro 5 mg. Over the course from Nov-Jan, he experiences sexual side effects and we decided maybe he should stop taking it. He told me himself he needs to taper, (HE IS A PHARMACIST), I don't know how he tapered, but I do know he stopped like middle of January. In January we went to Italy & had an amazing trip, he took all my pictures, took me to Pisa (1 hr away just so I can get my pictures for 15 mins). It was an amazing trip, we however were not intimate but I just assumed we were just tired.

Fast forward to Feburary, he planned a valentines day, got me flowers. It was normal but anytime I would want to initiate sex, he was hesitant or not on the mood. During this time he had started another job, so was working non-stop & we barely saw eachother, other than just at bedtime. We had a fight & I said some things (nothing I have not said before), but eventually we made up and I assumed were fine.

The NEXT day 3/6, he comes home from work, looks distraught, tells me "I don't love you anymore", "I do not find you attractive", "I felt this way before the wedding", all ridiculous statements. I did say, "Hey maybe this is the withdrawal from the medication", he said "no its not". Looking back I did lose my shit & cried, begged & pleaded that we can make this work. My family & his family got involved & everyone said that he should work on his marriage. He kept saying things like, "You deserve better, I provide nothing for you".

Moreover, that night his family convinved him to make it work and he agreed. The following day, I came home to him wearing our traditional wedding outfit & wanted to do our wedding dance with me. Then he goes onto to say that before i came home, he was staring at our wedding portrait & was so sad he hurt me that he wanted to go in the kitchen, and slit his wrists. The only he did not do this because it would physically hurt. I wanted to continue talking about it, but then he completely changed the subject. I saw his emotions fluctate in real time. I told him my mom thinks maybe we should take space & ill go live there for a couple days. He says "No, we can be stronger than before, we dont need space."

The following day, I find messages where hes telling a coworker (female, ofc), that he was pressured into staying with me. He does not understand why everyone cannot see that it is better to end it now than later. When confronted, he snatched his phone & said I violated his privacy & continues to play his video games. Acting like none of this should affect me at all.

The next again, completely avoidant, doesnt want to speak to me about what happened at all. That night I lost it, and "left him". I was having a full on panic attack on, and instead of confronting me, he poked me & asked to "cuddle", I was so furious, I left. Turned off my location and was just done. He did not stop me, apologize, chase me, or anything.

The next day, I dived into reddit posts about SSRI withdrawal, and Lexparo causing manic symptoms at times. So many similar stories. I also went through our text thread during the wedding time to see if I missed any signs. I didn't.

I share my research with him, he says "wow thats crazy accurate" and says "I just need time to see what I want & need, you know me better than anyone but i know how i FEEL better than anyone". I return home & I geniuely state that I am worried about him and his mental state. He agrees and we agree he needs to talk to someone & his Psych NP.

The next night I wait for him to return from work. I get a call from his Psych NP telling me she is concerned on what he shared with her & she is sending him to the hospital to get evaluated. The relief I felt in his moment was something I cannot describe. I felt crazy for the days leading up to this because I felt like i was grasping at straws. His NP also asked me any signs of erratic behavior over the past couple of months bc she had differential for bipolar for him (I was shocked to hear this), at that time I said no bc we were fine.

BOY WAS I WRONG.

Well it got worse, he was admitted to the psych ward, restarted on lexapro & adderall. When I saw him in the hospital, he told me "Go live your lives, leave me here", and then in the psych ward, he said he finally felt "free". While getting him admitted, I found out he had 2k in cash (not normal for him) and he wanted to know where is car was at all times. When i finally said the hospital would charge him, he let me take it home.

He was admitted for 6 days, he refused to see me. Did not want to talk to me at all. said this time serves as space. But let his family & friends come see him and acted "fine" with everyone. They restarted the lexapro 10 mg & adderall (knowing what I know now, it seems like this put him straight into mania).

The DAY he is discharged, he didn't tell me. His dad did. He leaves the psych ward, the first thing he does is go get a haircut. Looking back he was truly not going to tell me or even see me. I tracked him and ended up going home to see him.

He told me the psych ward "fixed him", he has always put me "first", he is FINALLY "putting himself first". However, I am still his bestfriend, The best thing that has ever happened to him, and he does not regret our 10 years. He gives me back the wedding ring and just leaves. During this entire interaction, I tell him I think he is manic, he says "No, I am not manic", covers his ears, won't let me speak and says "stop, you're the only one who can get me to stay". Claims "I am not happy and I will NEVER be happy with you again". Claims there is nothing I can do to fix this because he needs to start his new life. The therapy place name is "new beginnings", and he looks at me with tears and says "see, I am starting my new beginning, I need you to let me go."

I asked him what made him be admitted because the hospital nor his family ever told me. He blocked me from the chart so no doctor told me anything (I cannot believe how psych is handled in this country when the person clearly is not in his right state of mind)

Anyway, he said the night I left, he wanted to go into the kitchen and slit his throat because he was so down that he is hurting me. I tried to use logic & say, "You wanted to end your life because you hurt me, but you're destroying & walking away from me right now", he just started at me, didnt say anything.

He says he wants a divorce & that the next time I see him, we will sign the papers. Said all of this while crying btw.

It has now been 6 weeks since he ran away from home. He has been living in hotels, working non-stop 6 days a week. Anyone who sees him says he looks happy. He tells them "She's perfect, she did nothing wrong, i fell out of love" and he FEELS this is the right thing to do. Everyone asked if seeing me with someone else would hurt, he said "it HAS to happen". He refuses to return home (we lived in his parents basement). Says it is too triggering. Has removed our wedding photos off his instagram grid but did not untag himself. the emotional whiplash is crazy to me. Telling his friends we have nothing in common and even the small things we do not share. Says he is not looking for someone else but seemed open to the idea? I know they can get hypersexual during this time, I just cannot deal.

He has not filed for divorce at all. is picking up extra shifts. When I messaged him & asked if he going to file or talk to me, he said "I've been busy, ill file the paperwork when I have time", clearly someone who wanted a divorce would FILE the next day right. Not delay for 6 weeks. His friends keep telling me to give him space & keep things positive. He is repeating the same script for everyone. He also told his friends that he wants me to focus on my self & made it clear he does not want me waiting for him. Also told his friends that if he got back together with me, he is scared he will want to harm himself again.

THIS IS NOT THE MAN I MARRIED. I feel like i am losing my mind. I KNOW HIM. Even if he wanted to leave, it would never be this way right?

I am not blocked or anything. I reached out multiple times to get him to talk to me. He refuses or is short.

I also hit a very low place & wanted to kill myself bc I just could not deal. He told me " You need help and should get yourself admitted, they can help you like they helped me"

The last time I texted him was 4/8, he messaged me to let me know his psych NP recieved my messages but she said to stop messaging her & ended it with "Thank you :)".

It is like someone has possesed him. He has never been cruel to me for over 11 years. It feels like he died :(

I am broken, shattered, in so much pain I cannot even begin to explain. I already messaged his Psych NP telling her everything. Not sure if anything is happening. I feel so lost & hurt that the man I know is gone. I've read enough posts to know this is SSRI induced mania, he has never had an episode before ever, I do not even know if he is truly bipolar.

I feel like I am grasping at straws & seeing everyone in his life enable this behavior is another kind of hell I did not know was possible.

I have been turned into this crazy discarded wife.

Any input would help. I feel utterly hopeless & powerless. Our 1 year wedding anniverary is next month and I just cannot stop crying everyday. I am seeing a therapist but nothing helps at all. I feel like I am watching my life burn to the ground & everyone is just watching it.

Need some insight