I (21F) got into a situationship with my coworker (24M), and now I don’t know how to act at work after it ended.
We’ve been working together since last summer. At first, we weren’t close — I don’t usually get close to guys, plus he’s from a different cultural background than me, and I had some stereotypes in my head. But over time, we became friends. We joked a lot, had breaks together, and he was always helping me with things.
He’s the type of person everyone loves at work — super social, friendly with everyone, including managers.
At some point, we started kind of flirting (in a teasing/bullying way), and he would even come in on his days off just to spend time with me during my breaks. We also started hanging out outside of work, sometimes with managers — which I later realized were basically set up as double dates.
Eventually, things escalated. One night at a staff party, I drank too much and ended up being close with him physically. After that, he wanted to talk seriously, but I avoided it because I didn’t want to ruin our team dynamic or friendship.
Later, we had a proper conversation, and I felt pressured into agreeing to “try dating.” He was very convincing, saying we had chemistry and that we should give it a chance.
The thing is — I liked him as a person, I really enjoyed our connection, but physically he’s just not my type. That made me unsure from the beginning.
We went on a few dates, and they were actually nice. But very quickly, he started expecting more from me emotionally — more communication, more effort, more openness.
For example:
- He got upset if I didn’t text him for hours
- He expected me to check on him constantly
- He wanted me to open up emotionally much faster than I was comfortable with
- He got jealous about random things (like me talking to coworkers or agreeing to a photoshoot job)
I’m a pretty low-energy person. I work full-time, study, and have a side job. I also think I might have an avoidant attachment style. I need space, and I don’t like constant communication or feeling like I have to report everything I do.
He, on the other hand, is very attentive and intense. He brought me food, picked me up, planned dates — but it also started to feel overwhelming.
We had multiple conversations where he said I wasn’t putting in enough effort, that I was too closed off, that he expected me to change after we started dating.
At some point, I just felt exhausted and like I was a “bad person” for not giving him what he wanted.
We eventually ended things and agreed to stay friends.
At first, it was okay. But now:
- He irritates me a lot
- I’ve become colder (still polite at work)
- He got upset when he saw me on Tinder
- We had another argument, and now we barely talk outside of work-related things
The problem is:
We still work together in the same department. Everyone loves him, including management, and I feel like I’m slowly becoming “outside” of the group.
Sometimes I miss how easy and fun our communication used to be. And if I’m honest — I also miss the attention.
So my questions:
How do I behave professionally with him without it being awkward or fake?
How do I deal with the irritation I feel toward him now?
Is it wrong that I miss his attention, even though I didn’t want the relationship?
Any advice would really help.
TL;DR; I (21F) had a 2-month situationship with my coworker (24M). We ended things because we had different needs, but now working together feels awkward. I sometimes feel irritated around him but also miss the connection and attention. How do I stay professional and deal with these feelings?