Hi everyone,

I’m 30, and I recently quit my job. Not because I want to “do nothing,” but because I feel deeply stuck in a contradiction.

On one hand, my personality and abilities point strongly toward working for myself. I’m independent, quick to learn, naturally reflective, and I tend to question authority. Traditional jobs have been painful for me — I don’t grow much, I don’t earn much, and I feel like I’m just being used as leverage for someone else’s success.

On the other hand, I carry heavy childhood trauma.

Both of my parents were abandoned by their own parents, and the way they loved me often came with emotional harm. I spent two years working with a good therapist, but I recently hit a plateau and stopped.

Also, I come from a very typical East Asian background.
Growing up, I studied from around 7am to 11pm almost every day, and my work life followed a “996”-like schedule (9am–9pm, 6 days a week). My body feels burned out, and I have strong anxiety with physical symptoms (insomnia, exhaustion, etc.).

Right now, I keep cycling between:
high motivation → sudden depression → back and forth between hope and despair.

I get triggered easily by disagreement, sometimes experience emotional flashbacks, and I’m even afraid to show my face online (e.g. for social media or building a personal brand), worrying that people from my past might judge or humiliate me.

My current situation:

• I only have about 6 months of savings left (mostly from past investments, which are not stable income).
• I have a boyfriend of 4 years. We don’t plan to marry. He doesn’t want the responsibility of family or kids.
• I really want children (even more than one), but realistically, with my mental state, finances (no house, no savings), and his stance — I’m afraid I would completely collapse physically and mentally.
• I have an 11-year-old cat. I sometimes take care of a friend’s dog, which helps emotionally — but when the dog leaves, my insomnia comes back immediately.
• I tried doing part-time recruiting from home, but due to insomnia, I couldn’t wake up in the mornings and missed urgent messages. I felt irresponsible and stopped.
• I seem to have a strong talent for 1-on-1 coaching/consulting — people I’ve helped gave very positive feedback. But the moment I think about scaling it or showing myself publicly, I freeze with fear.

My core dilemma:

• Employment → damages my health, doesn’t build wealth, and feels mentally draining.
• Entrepreneurship → my trauma holds me back: fear, avoidance, low confidence, emotional triggers.

There is no middle ground right now. Just a 6-month countdown.

Access to professional mental health support is also difficult where I am — long waitlists, and many providers don’t feel reliable.

On top of that, I feel a biological clock pressure regarding having children, while my body, finances, and partner situation are all not supportive.

I understand that life requires courage, and that generational trauma has to be broken by myself.

But right now, I feel stuck between awareness and paralysis.

What I’m looking for:

I would really appreciate hearing from:

• People who are 8+ years older than me, or
• Anyone who has experienced being “stuck due to trauma” and unable to act, or
• Anyone who had to navigate life while under financial pressure and emotional instability

If you’ve been in a situation where you were breaking down while still trying to find a way forward:

What did you actually do back then?
What turned out to be the right move — and what wasn’t?