u/Efficient-Swing384

For those here who feel their marriage is now sexless or pretty much sexless - does your relationship satisfy you in other ways romantically?

Like are most other areas (quality time, communication, respect, actually wanting to talk/hang out) in pretty good shape?

I’m just curious if that’s the case for most of you or if a lack of physical intimacy is just one of the many things wrong with your situation? I’m here to rant and get advice on the sexlessness but I feel for me like there are other buckets in my marriage negatively effecting it.

Men, I’m mostly curious on your opinion here. I’m early 30s. Husbands early 40s. I’ve always been the one with higher drive even when we were dating and can remember several teary moments then when he wasn’t in the mood. We had pretty good communication about it then and I believed it was a mix of lower drive, stress, and body image stuff. I got over it and learned to deal with the unbalanced desire.

We now have two kids (so clearly yes we have had SOME sex and on purpose at that) but outside of trying for them (which came fairly easy) it’s been heading downhill.. quickly.

What used to be 1-2x a month is now i don’t even know. Sure our life is busy. We’re high performers in terms of professions and have two small children but I am struggling hard now that it’s been so long and even if it did happen, it’s once in a blue moon. I feel… unmarried in term of any real intimacy. There’s no steamy make outs or anything to even give me something to think about sexually.

I have made MANY comments about it. Serious sit down type showing my concern and jokingly as well to try and get him to open up. He just seems SO uninterested in having fun with sex or anything super intimate.

SO MY POINT AND QUESTION.. is this totally normal sadly for some couples? And you choose to live with it or not? Is he maybe getting off on his own or is it totally normal for an early 40s male to have extremely little need??

It just feels wild to me since he also won’t open up about masturbation. I’m thinking my next step is asking if he will go to sex therapy.. before I slip away emotionally any further. I am not sure I can live the rest of my life like this. And I don’t want to. I miss touch and feeling wanted and desired. And I have a long freaking life to live damn it.

How’s that for my first Reddit post?