My husband isn’t a bad man, so why do I feel so unhappy in my marriage?
My husband (40M) and I (40F) have been together about 20 years. He was my first serious relationship and has always been my best friend. We have 3 kids together.
The last couple years I feel more like his roommate/mom than his wife. He works hard, is a great dad, and I know he loves me, but I feel emotionally disconnected and lonely in our marriage. I’ve tried talking to him many times, cried to him, begged for us to reconnect, but any effort only lasts a day or two before things go back to normal. A lot of the time he makes me feel like I’m asking for too much or like I’m the problem.
The hardest part is that he isn’t a bad guy, which makes me feel guilty for even thinking about leaving. But I’m unhappy, and the idea of spending the rest of my life feeling this way scares me. At the same time, the idea of breaking up our family and hurting him makes me feel sick.
I find myself wondering what life would be like if I was single. I was never one for dating a lot, but I know I would have options. The idea of dating again in general at 40 is also it's own set of terrifying.
How do you know when a marriage is something you should keep fighting for versus when you’re staying out of fear, guilt, or comfort?