Hi all... kind of in a situation. I have been with my LDR (24NB) Blue for 10 months, but we met over a year ago. Earlier this year my oldest relationship and marriage fell apart, I'm in the midst of separation that is reframing a lot of things. I'm realizing I don't know if I want to cohabitate/marry/etc again.
Currently me and Blue's relationship is pretty comfortable to maintain. We video call 1-2x a week, text every day, and have seen each other 3x, including the time we met. We live in different countries.
While Blue and I have had some feeler conversation about how nice it'd be to live closer together or cohabitate, and how we are open to it, I asked them recently how dedicated they were to that. They said if it wasn't available it would be a problem, and that they're planning school and avoiding dating locally with the idea that they would move to me in the future. That timeline is long, like 3 years or more.
I don't really think I want someone making big decisions like school, moving countries, or whether to date based on a future with me. Before the divorce I was open to it, but now I am not sure I can offer such a future... I feel awful like I led them on or like I let the end of one relationship influence my feelings in another.
We have to have a talk about it, but I'm visiting soon. I don't know if we should talk before or after the visit (definitely not during) and I don't know how to phrase this concern without sounding like a total ass. Edit: another friend also said I was rushing by doing this so soon after separation so I am really having trouble telling whats right. Pls help??