Need advice on keeping strong
I have not shared here in a long time. Quick synopsis, my Q has issues with alcohol and cocaine benders. Its a loop every few months, yet something that has been there for years, however very prevalent and destructive last 2 years. He is manipulative, compulsive, irresponsible - the usual drill you all know. It has taken me a long time to accept and move forward. We have two children and own our own home. He has a driving ban, and left his job and so on. He is now cycling to a new job, and this is a change.
In recent times with the support of a support worker she was has got me to the point that I’m moving on with my life and not focusing fixing and saving. My Q is struggling with this change in me. I’m not enabling, I am not fixing, I am growing. I have a job promotion he is not aware of. I have friends support and I’m moving away mentally. He will not leave the home so we are trying to manage that until he can afford to. Last month, he went on a bender, long story short he took €750 from my bank account, told me I was taking his kids away, and guilted me beyond believe. He recently admitted he gambled with the money alongside a very heavy and heartfelt apology. The apology was sent, when I took my children on holidays, without him, and he was drinking.
so here is where I need your support. I can see him emotionally declining in his grief of the reality of his life. I am, like most codependent’s an empath and addicted to fixing. Every time he looks broken, I feel an immense urge to help, I feel incredibly helpless and guilty. I am consumed with the fear he will kill himself and it will haunt me for every day of my life.
Has anyone ever been here? Please, your advice is needed. Thank you