I genuinely think my ADHD might have been a misdiagnosis.
So I was diagnosed AuDHD as a child essentially by accident: one doctor thought I had one and another thought I had the other, but neither diagnosis was ever revoked, so on paper I had both even before that was a recognized thing. Then when the DSM-V came out I was more officially diagnosed with both. But honestly, the more I learn about ADHD, the more I think maybe the label doesn't fit and it's actually just autism.
Reasons I think the ADHD might be accurate:
- I do have significant difficulties with task initiation and executive functioning. Sometimes it's like no matter how much I want to do a task, my brain just won't cooperate.
- I am generally a pretty inattentive person. I'll miss things that seem obvious to other people and be unable to find things that are right in front of me.
- I'm not great at regulating emotions. I get overwhelmed really easily and it's difficult for me to calm down once I do.
Reasons I think I might NOT have ADHD:
- I've never responded well to medication. I supposedly did well on it when I was younger, but I don't remember it actually helping me. I only remember that adults were annoyed with me less. When I tried medication as an adult, it caused horrible anxiety and uncontrollable hyperfocus regardless of the drug or the dose (yes, even non-stimulants).
- None of the typical "activation based" ADHD strategies work for me. Things like time blocking, pomodoro timers, body-doubling, listening to music while I work, etc. just make me feel more overwhelmed and distract me from the actual task.
- I've never experienced hyperfocus that wasn't substance-induced. I had no idea that was even something people with ADHD experienced until recently.
- I don't have any difficulty with hygiene, eating, keeping my spaces clean and other self-care and home-care tasks. I hear about people being unable to do laundry for example and I think "what's difficult about it? You just put the laundry in the machine." I've never "forgotten to eat" in my life.
- I am probably one of the least impulsive people I know. If anything I overthink everything I do so much that if I think there's any possibility of a decision being an impulsive one, I'll delay it for months. With money, I'm the complete opposite of a reckless spender and will often not buy things despite needing them and being able to afford them because I've "already spent enough money this month."
- I've always done well academically and got an entire university degree with no treatment or accommodations without any significant amount of difficulty.
- I am not fidgety at all, and I actually find when I do fidget it distracts me from whatever I'm trying to focus on.
- When I do have difficulty focusing, it's not so much that I can't regulate my attention as much as it's that I can't *split* my attention. If I'm trying to write an email and my coworker is talking, I can't tune out the talking to focus on the email. I'm overstimulated, not understimulated.
Does this warrant re-assessment? I'm not sure it would really make a difference if I'm already diagnosed but I just have this gut feeling that AuDHD isn't the right label. Not asking anyone here to diagnose me, of course.