Thinking about calling the wedding off… help
TRIGGER WARNING: OCD, WEDDING DOUBTS,
Hey, Reddit. Throwaway account for obvious reasons.
I (20F) am seriously considering calling off my wedding to my fiancé (20M), and I honestly don’t know what to do. We are high school sweethearts, and have been together for 3years, and engaged since December of 2024.
Before anyone jumps to conclusions: no, he’s not abusive, narcissistic, manipulative, cruel, or lazy. He’s genuinely one of the kindest people I’ve ever met — loving, sacrificial, hardworking, protective, patient, and deeply committed to me. If anything, that’s part of what makes this so painful.
Our wedding is in about 60 days, (invites are sent, dress is bought, etc.) and lately I’ve been hit with this overwhelming feeling of, “I can’t go through with this.” Not because of one huge event or red flag, but because I feel emotionally disconnected, terrified of commitment, and almost numb when I think about marriage.
For context, I’ve struggled with what I strongly suspect is OCD for years. It’s shown up in a lot of forms throughout my life — ( I won’t be specific due to the rules on r/whatdoido), but ŘÓCD is what I believe has effect me these last 3 years, which has heavily affected our relationship at different points. I’ve had flare-ups before, especially around major relationship milestones and wedding planning, but this feels more intense than usual.
The confusing part is that my fiancé has actually been incredibly understanding through all of this. When I opened up about how scared and unsure I’ve been feeling, his first response was literally: “Do we need to pause things so you can figure this out?” That honestly broke my heart.
I keep going back and forth between:
• “This is ŘÒCD and fear talking.”
and
• “What if this is my gut trying to tell me I shouldn’t get married?”
I don’t want to make the biggest mistake of my life either way — whether that’s walking away from someone amazing because of fear/OCD, or getting married while having these doubts.
Has anyone dealt with something similar? Especially RóCD around engagement/marriage? How did you tell the difference between anxiety and genuine incompatibility?
Edit: OCD is hereditary in my family, as my mother used to take medication to mange her Health-OCD.
Also, I’ve never been professional diagnosed.