Going back to work & sharing the load
Hi I (37F) and my husband (38M) have a 3,5yo and a 5mo. I was able to take a lot of time off of work so I have been sahm-ing for a year almost but this Tuesday I will finally start working again, albeit for three days for the time being (4 days starting January). Both kids will go to daycare twice a week, on days that he and I work.
Since I was a sahm for so long and my hubby works 1,5 jobs, we slowly got into a very traditional division of labour, which is that I do almost everything regarding household chores and kids. But now that I will start working again he will have to at least do some things in the house and taking care of our kids, he will also have one entire day with them while I am at work.
But, leading up to me taking a temporary leave from work last year, that was very hard to manage. He would constantly forget things, take care of our eldest but keep her inside and not do any cleaning or cooking, or just try to last minute arrange a sitter bc he wanted to finish work. Does anyone here have experience with a situation like this and what did and did not help? I understand that he has a lot on his plate and I honestly don't want to stress him out but something has got to give bc if this results in me taking on the entire household and care for the kids plus work that is not going to go down well I am afraid.
Added issue is that baby is exclusively bf and will not take a bottle, we have practiced for weeks but it's been mainly me trying it and while now she is not instantly mad at the bottle anymore he will probably have a hard time with that. Hubby also really doesn't take it well if things are confusing, i.e. instructions or where he can precisely find which clothes etc. so I am going to have to prepare a lot (mental load). And he is forgetful about appointments also for work, plus his work is very dynamic so there is alway last minute appointments and other workthings coming up. Which was fine-ish when I wasn't working but now I am worried. He is usually to stressed or busy to talk about these things and keeps repeating how he will be there for the kids that one day a week and that it is important that I have a career too. Which is all great but for me I found being a sahm a huge relief tbh..
Tldr: advice wanted about returning to work and getting to a more equal labour division with husband, and how to approach that conversation with him. Thanks in advance!