This may be a rant...
I am a working mom and my husband has been SAHD. He has been pursuing an academic career and currently in the middle of completing his PhD. He had a fixed contract with his university and it ended. Since then he has been SAHD for 1 year and 8 months. Although he is unemployed, he still needs to work on papers and thesis while not being paid anymore(!).
Please let me mention that he also suffers from chronic illness such as serious migraines and headaches every 2-3 days (sometimes it lasts for 5 days etc), diabetes, and undiagnosed EDS). His migraines medicine hasn't been working so far and he has been trying many different types of medications under his doctor's instructions.
Our daughter is now 2 years and 7 months old. She goes to preschool for a half day twice a week. Any other days during the day, my husband takes care of her.
Our daily schedule when I WFH is as below and my husband tells me that I shouldn't be exhausted in the evening because I'm just working and I'm not taking care of a toddler. He means that working is nothing compared to what he does.
| Time | Me | Husband |
|---|---|---|
| - 8:30 | Take care of her including cleaning up/tyding up | Free time |
| 8:30 - 12:00 | Get ready to WFH until 9:00 and start to work | Take care of her |
| 12:00 - 13:00 | Go grocery shopping with her and cook lunch, or simply cook lunch, and eat all together. | Do the left together or stay home for free time |
| 13:00 - 17:00 | Work | Take care of her. (Up to 1-3 hours of free time while she naps) |
| 17:00 - 19:00 | Go grocery shopping with her and cook dinner, or simply cook dinner while watching her. | Free time or go grocery shopping together and cook but asks constant help from his wife every few minutes |
| 19:00 - 20:00 | Eat dinner all together + Take care of her after that. | Eat dinner and leave after he's done to take a break. |
| 20:00 - 21:00 | Shower her, dress her, and do a night routine (brushing teeth and reading a book) | Free time until the routine is done. Then come to her bed and tell her goodnight. |
| 21:00 - | Cleans up a bit if there's still some energy left | Free time |
I earn 1.6 times more than an average income and therefore it requires a lot of focus while working. Also a small mistake can lead a serious issue and my work can be very time sensitive so it's quite stressful as well.
I personally think I do quite a lot of house chores. During weekends, I am the main caregiver so my husband has a few hours of free time to do whatever he wants while I don't have any of that time on both weekdays (maybe 40 min of train ride in total for commuting can be a "quiet" time) and weekends.
What he tells me is that the amount I do is normal and it's nothing compared to what he deals with during the day, so I shouldn't be exhausted from just working.
That makes me wonder - how do you guys split chores and childcare on weekdays and weekends? Do I really do nothing as a working parent and I don't deserve to be exhausted in the evening!? I am in the early 30s and am really tired every day... He wants to watch TV with me etc but recently I falls asleep at 21:00 and he's not happy about it...
I'd be very happy if you could share how much your working partner gets involved in chores and childcare on weekdays and weekends and what you think about it. Thank you!!!