EDIT: please quit messaging me. I’m not interested in an affair. Lmao
My husband (32M) and I (29f) have been together for 9 years, married for 4.5. We have 3 children 5 & under, with our newest being 6 months.
When we first started dating, we were animals, sexually speaking. Of course, that faded as the honeymoon phase wore off. Once we moved in together, it was an immediate different. We went from daily to 2-3 times a week. My libido has always been higher than my husbands. Realistically, I’d like 2-3 times a week. As time went on, it decreased to once a week. Then we had children, and now I’m lucky if it’s once every other week, or even once every three weeks. I have brought the issue up to my husband multiple times. He’s had his hormones checked, no issues. I have zero reason to believe he would ever cheat on me. He’s a hardworking, dedicated husband and father.
I’m struggling terribly. In between sessions, I’m turned down and ignored. He’ll also agree to sex, so I hurry and get the kids to sleep and by the time I get back into the bedroom, he’s snoring. I get so frustrated because I’m the breadwinner with a doctorate degree, I handle all finances (he’s involved, he just doesn’t care to make any decisions), I cook, I clean, take care of kids, I’m trying to work out and get my body back from three kids in 5 years. The rejection is so painful every single time and it’s destroyed my mental health.
I made the silent decision to quit asking for sex. It’s now been over a month. Yesterday was my birthday, and he asked if I wanted my “birthday present.” Which somewhat hurt because why is sex considered a gift. Anyways, I exploded. I told him I was done in the bedroom. I can’t handle the rejection, I can’t handle getting my hopes up just to be turned away. So from here on out, I’m refraining from any intimacy purely out of protection for my mental health. I feel like a pig at a trough waiting for food to be delivered and I just can’t do it anymore.
This is such a taboo subject, because typically the man is the one in my position with a low libido wife. I’m embarrassed about it, but I regularly grieve the fact I’ll never have a sex life I want.
I don’t know how to come back from this. I love my husband and he’s great in all other aspects. I don’t want to leave him. I don’t want to nor will I “open the marriage.” Any advice is appreciated.