u/Educational_Yam_3575

TW: Suicidal Ideations

I begged when she broke up with me. My life is empty without her, and I knew that losing her would put me exactly where I am now. While begging, I told her that I couldn’t do this without her. She kindly told me that I would be ok soon, that things would get better for both of us, that I’d get closer to my friends and start to develop a life I loved.

I’m sure it’s true for her. She hasn’t reached out, and she seems to be reconnecting with her friends. She last told me that she’s done a lot to be herself again. I’m genuinely happy for her.

On my end, my closest friend left me, my closest friend group distanced themselves as well, I’m about to get fired from job, and even if I don’t it’s been a living hell. I cry every day when I wake up because this job has taken everything from me. My credit score tanked by 50 points because a debt collector listed me instead of my father as the debtor (we have the same name) and my dispute was denied, so my dream of moving out of my grandmother’s apartment is tarnished. And even if I could move out, doing so would leave her homeless as I help with her rent, forcing me to stay in a retirement home in my early 20s. My teenage sister got pregnant and had an abortion. My father was laid off. All of this after she left me a month ago. None of this is her fault, and I know she meant well, but I can’t help but feel resentment for her saying this.

I’m strongly considering taking my own life. I’ve given myself until the end of the week to make a decision, but I’m strongly leaning towards ending things. Not because of the break up or because of her, I just don’t see a point anymore. My life was miserable before her, it was miserable with her, and it will continue to be miserable because I am fundamentally broken. I can’t keep waking up dreading the day. I don’t want to, and I don’t have to.

I have a plan, and I know how I’d like to go out, but I can’t stop picturing my parents crying over my lifeless body…

I feel like we often treat healing and being healed as this objective, tangible milestone that we’ll eventually achieve if we strive hard enough, but what does that actually mean to you?

Just curious to hear people’s thoughts

We were coworkers at my old job. Today is their company staff retreat. We hit it off then, last year, and I immediately knew I wanted to be with her. We spent the entire evening laughing with each other, and I still remember the butterflies I felt when our eyes locked while talking to each other about nothing and everything. I remember how beautifully the sunlight weaved itself across her wonderful face, how her eyes shimmered. Time seemed to stop then. We then dated for ten months, and it ended a month ago. Last week, we had a brief email exchange where we talked about how nice it would be to see each other there again. She blocked my email shortly after.

Today, I find myself alone in my room with a different job that I detest. Most of my friends are old coworkers from the same job–including the person I now consider my best friend—and it’s killing me knowing they’re all together today, just how I was last year. I asked if I could join their after party. They never responded–it’s probably for the best. I know that today is just another 24 hours, and it will pass eventually, but the nostalgia and fear of missing out are so heavy.

The space occupied by empty hangers where their clothes used to be.

The sterile white patch on your wall where their pictures used to be, that stares you down while you lie in bed thinking about them.

The divot in your shoe rack that was reserved for them—how excited you both were to store your shoes away and jump into bed.

You’re so afraid to put the hangers away, or put up new pictures, or buy an extra pair of shoes to fill the space, because closing the gap makes the absence real.