ive been going through a hard time for the past few years now with rlly bad anxiety, depression and possible autism diagnosis that my parents refuse to acknowledge, selfharmand harmful thoughts directed at myself. my friend who i got to school with also sturggle with similar thoughts and tendencies though they just constantly tell me about it and vent to me, they go into detail about their depression, selff destructive thoughts, every suicidal thought, saying the wanna kill themselves everyday, parapgraphs about selfharm, etc and i try my hardest to be supportivve and help but im terrible at it, alot of the times they say thiiings that trigger me and make me start breaking down or spiralling i care for them sm and just want them to bee ok so badly but theyre so convinced they wont make it past 18, having to deal with and help them is so exhausting but i cant ask them to stop or leave them because of how many times theyve said im the only reason theyre alive, i despereatly just need to help them and make them feel better but i cant even help myself, im so tired everyday, im constantly, crying, feeling numb, hurting my self and event attemmpted a few months ago i feel like im going insane, i feel helpless and stupid for not beiing able to help them, im a bad friend to them, treat them like shit and and constantly acting selfsih towards them i rlly just need some advice either how to make myself better or help and support them as much as i can because im doingg such a shit job rn.
edit: theres alot of context and stuff left out but im so exhasuted i dont wanna read throught what ive written or write any more