I Am Taken. For Good. (For the Near Foreseeable Future)
Given that:
• I publicly hinted that I was looking for a life partner
• I shamelessly asked to be invited to a stranger’s birthday party
…I would now like to officially announce that I am taken.
So if anyone accidentally landed on my profile and started matchmaking for me like an unpaid recruiter, please stand down.
And if anyone was about to invite me to their birthday party out of curiosity, thank you for your service, but operations are now cancelled.
Management has changed. Applications are closed.
PS 1: Anyone interested in attending our wedding (hopefully within this decade) may DM for an invitation. Gifts are highly encouraged and emotionally mandatory.
PS 2: My girlfriend has informed me that every 1 upvote will prepone our wedding by 1 week. Please help me get married next month.
No LLM was used to generate this text. I self-certify that these words came out of my mouth and were typed on my keyboard using my own fingers.