I’m on day 31 being porn free. It’s been really frustrating, I’m still very irritable and have a lot of mood swings.
I haven’t quit masturbation though, but I am definitely doing it less without the visuals.
I’m interested to hear your thoughts. Have you quit both? Why? How far into quitting did you bring back self pleasure or sex? How is sex or masturbation different to before you quit?
Keen to hear from you all x
For context: I discovered porn when I was around 12 and never really stopped. Probably not relevant but I was sexually abused when I was 12, whether I discovered porn before or after that, I can’t quite remember. For years, I watched it multiple times a day — sometimes just for a quick fix, other times for hours. I thought it was normal, but a few years ago I realised it was actually a full-blown addiction.
I’ve previously been to therapy and discussed this, I’ve also tried to quit multiple times before but I always end up going back. I’ve even tried switching to “real-life” couple content, or just reading smut instead, but eventually I fall back into watching porn — and quite often BDSM related.
It’s definitely affected my sex life. I can never cum during sex because I’ve desensitised myself completely through porn. When I was single, I’d compare the men I slept with to what I saw in videos and I’d feel frustrated if they weren’t automatically rough or dominant. On the flip side, I realised I was always drawn to really rough sex which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, it’s just that I’d let men do whatever they wanted to me in bed without prior discussion which looking back, is probably not a good thing. I’ve now been in a monogamous long term relationship for 4 years, and we’ve had our share of issues — I’ve found they mostly stem around my own insecurities and jealousy. Porn isn’t the root cause, but I can see how it hasn’t helped.
Right now, I’m one month off porn, I just went cold turkey and it’s been brutal. My mood swings are intense, I have no patience, I’m constantly irritable, and I have zero motivation to socialise.
So far, I haven’t noticed many positive changes, which is discouraging. But I know I need to stick it out. Like I said, I don’t blame porn for my problems — but I do wonder how different I might be if I hadn’t grown up with it. Would I be less insecure in relationships? Would I view sex differently? Have more self-esteem? Less internalised misogyny? Deep down I know self esteem comes from doing what you love and surrounding yourself with good people, and I’m trying to work on my social life (hobbies etc) I just wonder if it is too late to fix some of the damage porn has done to my brain.
I’m starting therapy again soon — not specifically for my porn addiction, but I’m hoping it helps me work through it.
I know this has been just another generic ‘I’m trying to quit porn’ post, but if you’ve made it to the other side of your addiction, what were the little things you noticed when you quit?>! !<