I'm not sure how much longer I can take this.
I, 45 m I've been married for almost 20 years to my wife 44 f. And, the infrequency of intimacy is destroying my marriage. It wasn't a dramatic plunge into this state but it's been 10 years of slowly turning off the tap. I would consider myself to have a normal libido for a man. Sure we always say we could have sex everyday but, I would be totally satisfied with two times a week at least with some regularity. Now we're about once a month, and my wife tends to act like she's doing me a favor when that does happen. I understand we're both busy for the last 4 years I had a job that kept me away from home for a few days at a time every week and then I would be home for a long stretch usually around 6 or 7 days. During that time she quite frankly would never initiate. And, if I ask I'm accused of nagging her even if it's literally once a week. Over the last few years the lack of intimacy has really killed my attraction towards her. That in turn has made it difficult sometimes in the bedroom. I constantly feel as though I am the only one who puts forth any effort to maintain this part of our relationship. There's always been an excuse with her she's tired or she just ate or something like that. Now, I'm dealing with a legitimate change of life where she's going through perimenopause and I just don't know how much longer I can deal with this. I want to be with her, I want to feel that closeness that we had earlier in our marriage but I just want to scream sometimes, and ask her if we're just done with that aspect of our marriage. It would be heartbreaking to hear it but at least it would be honest. I've tried to sit down and talk to her about it so many times I can't even recall the number. She says she understands but then not a thing changes at home. I've explained to her so many times how important that is to me and how much it helps to maintain that closeness, but nothing ever changes. I feel extremely unappreciated. I can probably legitimately count on two hands of times we were intimate in the last year and that's just not acceptable. I didn't get married just to have a roommate, I want to partner that I can be with emotionally and physically. I know someone on here is going to suggest splitting up, but that's just not something I feel as though I can do. I don't want to put my daughter through that. I'm stuck. I feel like I'm at the point where I almost have to resign myself to spending the rest of my life with someone that quite frankly doesn't view me in that light anymore and it hurts. I've always had issues with self-esteem and this just brings up a lot of insecurities in me.