u/EducationalLuck5868

For some context I’ve been diagnosed since my childhood and I’ve been in and out of talk therapy, CBT, etc. since I was 8. I’ve been medicated since age 8 as well (thank god for my mother who advocated for me to get treatment decades ago when it wasn’t as common). Anyways, flash forward and now i’m in my early 20s-a newly registered nurse, in a long term relationship with my high school sweetheart fiancée, living at home to save money, have plenty of friends (that I’m too paralyzed and exhausted to even reach out though). But sounds like on the outside I should be the picture perfect twenty something girl with every good thing i listed up above. I work in cardiac/med surg at a big hospital and i think this past year has been the most eye opening to how other humans work and interact with eachother and made me realize how little i actually know. between my coworkers to dealing with different patient populations i feel like my life is a lie being told for years as a kid that i was “so mature” and could “speak so well for my age,” now i realize it was all masking. i feel for the first time my mask is slipping and its because i have to hold it up at work for so long that in the rest of my life-i just feel so drained. so. so drained. it’s causing issues in my relationship manifesting as “tone” issues with communication, impatience and impulsivity with arguing. These are the same things that got me diagnosed as a child and I guess i’m just wondering why i’m feeling it so much again now. in my 20s, when i should be growing up and growing out of a lot of this. I feel inadequate to be a nurse sometimes, i feel EVERYTHING my patients do and i leave work drained from that on top of being drained from the work itself. I feel inadequate to be married if i have such issues with conflict and conflict resolution. i don’t know. can anyone relate? x