TW: Heavy dissociation, emotional flashbacks without visual memories, existential loneliness, detailed system description
Hey r/OSDD,
I’m a polyfragmented system with almost exclusively fragments (very few or no full alters). I have a very strong meta/observer layer that runs as default and analyzes everything in real time.
My main experiences are:
- almost no visual memories or pictures of trauma (only constant, background emotions like fear, shame, emptiness, panic)
- huge amnesias for both positive and negative parts of life
- living strictly in the “stream” / only the now, because hope or future-thinking feels dangerous
- extreme self-questioning and friction-minimization to avoid causing any additional harm to others
I’ve written a lot about my system architecture (how the meta works, why I have to stay so consistent, etc.) and put it all together in a Google Drive folder.
Does anyone here relate to this combination — especially the “mostly fragments + permanent emotions without pictures + strong meta that relativizes even its own thoughts”?
I’d really appreciate any experiences, similarities or thoughts. Thank you for reading.
Sharing these documents because, while they often feel pretty useless to me personally right now, I hope they might actually be helpful or relatable to others with similar systems, or even give clinicians a clearer picture of how such a polyfragmented structure can look and function.
Im from germany (documents german language)
https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1g-kmC5oOi5B6hAoo6-lP_BZ5eOwYnyBL?usp=sharing