I don't even know if Im autistic, my mom thinks I am. Im 30 which is even more sad.
I get so triggered by my work and colleagues. My collegue replied to my question with like "everything can be found on google" and it sent me into meltdown.
Like no fucking shit it can be found on google, like I am an idiot. I'm doing this thing as a favour and need some help. We are talking about huge specs here, I asked a question so I don't have to go through all of them if someone already knows and we have Internal doc. Now I wished I just took my sweet time, said fuck you guys I need to read all the specs before Im done.
I vent to my bf and he told me "maybe he js just trying to help". This is after I already replied to my collegue "I know it can be googlable, its not helpful etc.". I edited my msg 3 times from mean to less mean to fuck you to ok, nvm. I wouldn't be surprised if collegue saw in real time which is even worse.. My bf being a good person triggers me too. Reminds me how shit I am and makes me feel he does not like me.
My bf makes me feel like im overreacting and being a bitch but his response also makes me feel like he gives everyone benefit of the doubt except me. Like they can post a thing like that and be "trying to help" but im annoyed bitch.
I just feel like I'm this annoying bitch everyone hates at work bcs Im so quick to respond with professional "fuck you".
I'm also stuck in this country for my bf and job (i do love my bf, just ranting) feeling like noone understands me and noone likes me, including him. I don't wanna quit and leave my bf but I just want to have an OPTIOn to!
Makes me want to quit, go back to my country and forget everyone and live alone but I also know from experience that is not a solution.
I was better taking Pristique, less sensitive and reactive but I decided I dont wanna be on meds and now Im stuck to what to do.
I keep having migraines and meltdowns and just wanna go on a month of unpaid time off to vegetate on a beach ALONE and take shrooms.
Thanks for reading my rant 😭😭😭
E: Also I cannot stand attending meetings. I want to call "not feeling well" next week and skip all of them