Im a 16 year old girl. For most of my life, lola or tita ko ang nag babantay sakin. 15 years halos, saling ketket ako sa pamilya ng tito at tita ko. Card giving, meetings, clinics, lahat ng yun, either tito or tita ko ang kasama ko.
Mom was never there. Hindi naman siya ofw. I grew up na tulog na ko pag uwi niya, at tulog rin ako tuwing aalis siya. I do understand that she didn't have time for me dahil she's a single mom. Breadwinner. Panganay. Siya ang nagpaaral sa mga kapatid niya. Kaya naiintindihan ko kung bakit lagi siyang wala. Nag t trabaho siya para ma secure ang future ko.
Last december, nawalan siya ng trabaho. My mom is 41, sabi niya she doesn't want to work anymore, mag n negosyo nalang daw siya. So i respect that. She's been working since she was a student. It's time she takes a break. May ipon naman daw kami, and I'm kind of set for life. I thank my mom for working hard by giving her good grades, just finished jhs and ranked 4 among 274 students.
Pero she didn't get to see me grow up. Kaninang umaga, may ulam kami galing sa tita ko so di na nag abala magluto yung mom ko, yun na yung breakfast namin. I think nagtataka siya kasi kumain ako ng plain rice lang. The truth is, hindi kasi ako nakain ng nilagang baboy(eto yung ulam from my tita) tapos my mom got mad at me dahil bakit daw hindi ako nakain nun. Then i told her "nilaga, paksiw, kare kare, hindi ako nakain ng ganon" tas tinapos niya na yung meal niya. She left me on the dining table.
Ewan ko, I wanted to cry. My mom doesn't know my favorite food. What i hate, what i love, who im friends with. She doesn't know that. She never did. I try my best to understand na this is her first life too. She's basically just figuring her life, too.
But I'm tired of raising myself. Only child. I had to learn things on my own nung wala siya. Mag isa. Even during jhs ko, i basically go to her kapag may emergency lang. Kapag naubos na yung allowance ko, ako na yung gagawa ng paraan para magkapera. But.. im just tired of raising myself. I really am. For once... it would be nice to have someone na kilala ako, without me having to point out everything. I just want someone to understand me.
Am i a bad daughter for thinking this way? I know she tries her best. But I've been trying my best too..