u/Educational-Aide4835

I recently came from Rangamati. I thought Rangamati sucks (for some reason), but I was wrong. Now, I want to move to Rangamati to pursue art under a master. My mother has support, I thought my baba would support too, but he said, "rastai rastai naki artist pawa jay". Really? Asholei? I said, then after learning, I'll move to illustration.
Life is absurdly uncertain and 90 percent manush are not even happy, sheta baire hok ba deshe. I just want to come out of the rat race and enjoy art! Kicchu bhalo lage na aar, kono friends o nai, ja ache 1 ta 2 ta tader satheo kotha hoy na.
I just want to pursue a different life, reading non-fic, pursuing art at rmt, and just be happy! Jar ja iccha boluk, at least I'll be happy, I hope!
Babar kotha shune doubting je bhul decision nicchi kina.
Would love to talk to exceptions who pursued a different track after 12th and are happy with life!
Aaahh tired I am, can't run with the world anymore, accha what are we even chasing in life? Happiness, money, good health....what exactly!!!? Kisher piche douracchi, BHAIIII

Straight to the point:

It’s 5:34 AM right now, sitting on the bed in front of my laptop. Just a while ago I woke up from bed screaming - MAAAAA...

A little context: as an atheist, I don’t get along with gods, I am not a Muslim btw and as I don’t really believe in god there's no reason to believe in ghosts or black magic either. I don’t even watch horror movies or stuff at all. And yes, like all people I am also stressed, depressed and what not. And that leads me to have terrible terrible dreams, and I couldn’t forget them easily. I'll tell you what kinda dream I get, like someone's burning my old tablet, thousands of snakes, and just yesterday I saw a short ugly looking girl covered in burqa doing dirty black magic behind my room's window.

BUT, here's the shit,

I slept alone last night, as my sister slept with mom so I had to sleep alone, I usually don’t sleep alone. And ngl, I couldn’t sleep not even close my eyes because of that fakin dream I had. Ended up on phone scrolling. Now, around on 5:16 AM I'm like Okay I can sleep now or atleast close my eyes cause mom is awaken. So I tried to sleep, and THAT is the moment, I got horribly paralyzed and couldn’t utter a word. It happened to me before but rarely but this time I was fully awake. I could see a hand or something like that on the window over the curtains. I was disgustingly afraid and with all my energy I tried to scream and say to myself - "don’t fear, don’t fear, it’s just a bad effect or over stress effect" and those 5 minutes felt like years. When I finally screamed my mom ran to my room and asked - what happened? Had bad dreams? I broke down! That's a shame! But ufff it is what it is. Now if I tell my mother she will definitely end up bringing me to those "religious psychics" I really don’t want that. I am a pure logical person. But the other side of my brain is temporarily 404 now with bad signals.

I will share this with my mom. But before that I needed to clear my mind, calm down and ask here something,

1. Could yall please let me know that you had thoughts something like that and later you realized these are bs and illogical?

2. If not bs and illogical, do things like that REALLY exist? Growing up reading, Evolution, Logical fallacies, Dawkins, Hitchens, Ambedkar, Avijit, Azad and many other writers and theories and critical thinkers, it is completely illogical for me to believe in man made shit like this.

If gods and devils exist, I absolutely hate both of them. I really want to mind my business, and sleep. These shits, ain't no fun, I'm already drained by life. I think I really gotta start reading about dreams, and human psychology. Sigh.

Thanks for bearing this long reading.

My mind right now is a little agitated. As the title says, I am looking for a or two mentors who will teach programming and mathematics. Long story short I need someone who is already doing a job or doing something meaningful in this field who can teach me every day for 2 hours except for the holiday. Literary like a private teacher, one to one. In a nutshell, a true teacher/ master like 'Shifu'.

Sorry if that sounds odd.