u/Ecstatic_Regular8300

▲ 3 r/lonely

Soo I just wanna know about your experiences.

My older sister and I are pretty close. We can always talk and share anything with one another. The thing is I sometimes have the feeling for some time now, that I never really get the chance to tell about my day at all.

I think three or two years ago my sister told me that it’s always just me talking and never her. I felt bad because I never realized and told her obviously she can tell me about things and her day too and I will gladly listen.

Tbh in retrospect, I don’t think that was the case because every time we talk I never really say anything about me or my day. I know it may sound silly but I wanna talk and tell her about my things, too.

But whenever I start she always gets uninterested. So I feel weird and ashaamed and never really continue to talk. Just now I wanted to tell her what happened on the way home and she was directly uninterested. She told me about her thing but she wasn’t interested in my stuff.

I don’t really know how or if I can say that to her bc she already said one time that I’m dramatic or that it’s not the truth. I know she doesn’t see it that way and I feel bad when I pinpoint it to her bc she gets annoyed with me. Then she says things like: you repeat yourself to often, you talk too slowly or that I tell the most unimportant things in the world. Idk. Maybe I do. But she does it as well. And sometimes she says she doesn’t have time to listen because she has to study but always after she told me about her things for half an hour or more.

It feels immensely weird now if I push to talk about me. I feel ashamed. Ahhhh, idk what to do, bc it makes me sad but I don’t wanna drive a wedge between us, bc everything is alr. It’s just me searching for problems.

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u/Ecstatic_Regular8300 — 10 days ago

It’s 4am right now and I gotta shower to go to bed and sleep buuut I feel like I should change my sheets. I changed them like 4 days ago already.

The problem is when I change my sheets I have to clean evyrthing! That is the table beside my bed, its interior, my book, lamp, cosmetics (Handcremes (!), skincare products, hair brush, phone case, etc.), clock…. It’s too much. I don’t want to but here I am sitting for hours still battling with it.

As a compromise I cleaned my big table for studying.

I just wanna be able to ignore it and wash up and just go to bed. Why is it so hard?? I started therapy like a month ago. We didn’t really start with the exposure therapy and I would like to start on my own a little bit, but today showed me that I’m too dependent on my own thoughts. It’s frustrating. I wanna ignore it, but I feel like it will be a nuisance later on.

For example, if I go to bed without changing sheets (is really stressy for me bc I would have to clean the whole bed structure as well and i have like 3 pillows and I hate changing my sheets in general) I would use like my hand creme or my skin care products and open cans are not easy to clean again and it feels like I am waisting resources. On the other hand, I never really have a period of time where I use everything consistently bc I think I should wait for a more cleaner time. So in the end it also gives me a feeling of wasting products.

What to do..?

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u/Ecstatic_Regular8300 — 16 days ago