i (F) went on a trip with my husband this weekend to celebrate our wedding anniversary.
Things started out okay, but at dinner he made the choice to pound three different drinks back to back followed by two beers.
any questioning words from me were ignored.
he essentially got so shit faced we had to go back to the place we were staying at and passed out.
i tried to wake him up later for the reservation we had at another place with some friends, and this is when we got into a fight.
i finally came to the realization and understanding that this is a problem I cannot do anything about. it’s entirely up to him whether he wants to stop this or not.
hes never been so just straight up mean and nasty to me before. he was lashing out about the way i woke him up, the fact that i called him out on his problem, and then left to go meet with my friend. I think I would be less bothered by the simple fact that he chose to get drunk as opposed to celebrate our anniversary if he had owned up to his actions the next day. but that’s not what he chose to do.
instead he told me I was the one acting out of line, that I was rude and hurt his feelings, etc.
im honestly kind of in shock. this is not who I thought I married. at all. I understand this is a disease, but the person in front of me was so small and insecure I hardly recognized him.
im beyond disappointed and I decided to take some days to myself after getting back from our trip.
I don’t know if we’re going to recover from this. i want to be supportive but I don’t even know how. he refuses to go to therapy but is talking to a friend who got sober two years ago.
that’s not enough. he won’t even make a definite plan with me as far as what to do next.
im so disappointed and hurt. hes not someone who drinks everyday. he simply has no control once he starts (usually special occasions or with friends). so it’s sort of insidious in that his habits are not as in your face as one might expect. but he’s lied about the amount he’s had and hid what he’s had from me before.
im attending a meeting for friends and family of those who have addiction or AUD.
i don’t know what’s going to happen, but I won’t put up with this.