Hi everyone! First post here, and not very used to Reddit in general. Sorry in advance for the long post.
I'm a 43-year-old bi AFAB from Italy, and I've recently come out (to friends, not family, I would never come out to my family, except maybe one of my cousins) as non-binary, although I've privately identified as such for a few years.
After coming out, though, I've started thinking if I'm not trans, especially after I got myself a haircut to better express my identity. I'm still experimenting and asking myself (a lot of) questions, and I want to share some of them with you in the hope that an external point of view could help me. I've already been discussing all of this with my therapist (a lot of her patients are somewhere on the queer spectrum), but she agrees that talking with someone who's going through a similar experience would be more helpful.
I'm using they/them pronouns when I speak English, and I'm alternating between he/him and she/her when I speak Italian -- we do a very extensive use of gender pronouns, and we don't have neutral options. I must add that lately I've been feeling a bit uncomfortable when people address me as she/her, but unless they're friends or queer-friendly people, I have to bite the bullet. Is this a sign?
Is there usually an age cap to access HRT? Given my age, I don't know if HRT is still an option, in particular because where I live, they're very difficult to access in general, and I don't know if there's an age cap. I don't want to go through the hassle of considering it if, in the end, I wouldn't be able to take T.
Would buying gender-affirming items like binding tape, packers, etc., help with realizing whether I'm trans?
A few weeks ago, I had what I think was gender euphoria when I saw myself in the mirror, and my breasts (I have a C/D cup) were almost flat under the hoodie I was wearing. I pressed them a little to the sides, and seeing my chest even flatter gave me such a sense of "that's what it's supposed to look like" that I couldn't explain. I just recently realized that the discomfort I've always felt towards my breasts was probably dysphoria, to the point where I've always been very uncomfortable with my partners touching and playing with them, and with bras and clothes that emphasize them (so 90% of women's clothing).
Also, the idea of wearing a packer (not an expensive one to begin with, because my financial situation wouldn't allow it) gives me such positive feelings. I can't explain it, but I guess you can imagine. I've always preferred dicks over vag, so maybe it wasn't just on others but myself as well?
I don't know if it's relevant, but I've always had issues with masturbating because I don't like touching myself. I'm not on the ace spectrum. I still haven't had the chance to try sex now that I'm going through all of this, but it's like the idea of experiencing p in the v where I'm the v would remind me that I have a v, and I'm already uncomfortable enough from the day-to-day reminders and my period.
Aesthetically speaking, one thing that doesn't help with what I think might be dysphoria is that my eyebrows were victims of the 90s fashion of shaping them in a thin line. They never grew back and are also very uneven. Is there a way to fix them with make-up or similar to make them look more man-like? Thicker and "bushier"?
I also don't know if it was dysphoria giving me almost a panic attack at a clothing store a few days ago when I nearly had to run through the women's department to not be mistaken for a woman 😅
I really thank you if you've been able to read through this wall of text.