u/Economy-Traditional

I (29F) have a close friend that I met online several years ago and we’ve met up a few times to go on vacation together. We’re still friends but whenever we’re in person she is very handsy and cuddly etc and last time I didn’t think too much of it especially when she had said she had been seeing someone a few months before this current trip. So now she’s been holding my hand while walking and wanting me to hold onto her and leaning her head on my shoulder, making jokes about engagement rings- stuff like that (we were obviously joking about that but just as an example). So we go to a lesbian bar for her birthday tonight (we’re visiting another country so it’s just us 2) and after a few drinks we’re watching people do karaoke and she brings over this girl to our table and we talk for a few minutes and I look over during the next song and they’re making out. I just feel really stupid for thinking this is more than her just being handsy with friends but I went to the bathroom and cried and we got on the bus a bit later and she kept holding my hand. I played it off by saying I didn’t feel well but it’s such a struggle because I’ve never been in a relationship as an adult and I have no one to talk to it about especially it being a queer related issue (I have a couple friends since leaving jw but I worry we’re not close enough to talk about this with them). So now I’m in another country, feeling like shit and have to be on flights for 8 hours tomorrow before I can lay in my own bed and be sad there at least.