I (21M) met a girl during my last month of college, and we both graduated shortly after. We ended up talking every single day—texting constantly, sending Instagram reels, and FaceTiming a lot. We basically acted like a long-distance couple for about 5 months while I was in the U.S. and she was traveling in Asia. At first, I didn’t plan on dating her at all. It felt casual and easy, and I wasn’t thinking long-term. But over time, we built a really consistent and strong connection.
I also genuinely think her personality is amazing—we get along really well, have similar humor, and just click in a way I’ve never really experienced before. I’ve never been in a relationship before, so this is also my first real experience feeling this kind of chemistry with someone.
Recently, she came to visit me on the West Coast for 5 days, and we spent basically all our time together. It felt very natural in person, we were physically close, and the emotional connection was strong. When she first saw me, she ran up and hugged me tightly for a long time, and later on she even got emotional and said she really liked me, thought I was “perfect,” and wanted to be my girlfriend.
The issue is that she’s about to start an investment banking job in NYC, and I live on the West Coast. That would mean long distance. It’s possible that in 2 years she could move to the West Coast or I could move East, but there’s no clear plan or guarantee. Because of that uncertainty, I told her I didn’t want to commit to a long-distance relationship.
After that, she said she needed to stop talking to me completely so she could move on and heal (get over me) instead of staying in contact as “friends.” I suggested maybe we could stay in touch after some time apart, but she was very against it. She even hid me from seeing her private Instagram stories, which made it feel very final.
Now I’m confused because I didn’t even want to date her at first, and I felt fine taking space before—but now that it’s actually over and she’s pulling away completely, I miss her a lot. I keep thinking about our time together and questioning whether I made the wrong decision by not trying long distance. At the same time, I don’t know if I actually want long distance, or if I’m just reacting to losing her and the sudden cutoff.
Is this just me reacting to the loss/attachment, or is this a sign I should reconsider and try to make it work?