Hey guys, I’m sorry this is long, and I’m a little embarrassed to be even writing this, but I’m not entirely sure how to broach this topic up with my bf, so I’m asking about it here.
So my bf and I have been dating for almost a year, and we’ve gotten intimate a few times. We do plenty of foreplay, and we both enjoy it. I haven’t had any complaints or anything…at least until right now.
Before me, my bf was a virgin and so was I. We were each other’s first in that aspect, and we’ve been relatively open minded about the things we’ve wanted to do or try. For instance, I had mentioned that the idea of giving a bj didn’t really appeal to me, nor did I want to do it, but eventually after I got out of my comfort zone a little, I found it wasn’t as bad. I had thought it’d be the same for my bf when it came to me.
But he’s…never tried to please me in THAT way. He’s only touched me with my underwear still on, he’s never made the move to do oral (admittedly, I’d be nervous too if so was in his shoes), and every time he tries, he freaks out.
This happens every time, but last night he tried to make a move, and it went horribly wrong.
He and I were being a little more bold with each other, and I guess he finally got the courage to touch me under my underwear. This went on for like a minute before he said something, and I didn’t hear, so I asked him to repeat it, and he said “I don’t know if I like this.” I wasn’t sure if I heard correctly, so I just laughed it off and replied with, “You don’t?” but he seemed genuinely disgusted and was just pruning his face, shaking his head. Eventually he pulled his hand away and whispered, “It feels gross,” examining his hand like he just killed a bug with his palm.
At this point, I felt disheartened. He had gotten up to go wash his hand after telling me it was gross, again, but the mood was ultimately ruined, and I’m just lying in bed feeling disgusting.
He tried to come back and cuddle with me, but my mind wasn’t in it. He noted I sounded disappointed, but I couldn’t bring myself to outright admit it, just joking that that didn’t go as planned, and he just kind of joked about it too before we fell asleep.
I wanna preface by saying I’ve never tried to force him to do anything, and neither has he forced me to do anything. He’s expressed to me he isn’t sure about giving oral, that the thought kind of scares him, and I understood. He didn’t have to do it if he didn’t want. The touching, idk, maybe I expected a different reaction from that. He wants me to touch him and give him a bj, but he can’t do the same for me. Maybe this is really selfish of me, but I don’t know how to bring it up to him. I feel gross every time he touches me down there and has to pull away because he can’t handle the feel or smell (yeah, he has to point that out every time), but I can’t be upset with him because this is all new to him too.
I’m just not sure what to say or do regarding this because it does kind of bug me.