I was in a relationship about 6 years back. We were both financially unstable back then, my partner seemed to be so fond of me during the first couple of months, eventually as life can be unpredictable I noticed shifts in the person's approach both towards the situation and me. Their were time when I was employed and the person was unemployed, at those times he completely act as if I was some enemy shooting words like "What is in it for you to worry about, you have a job." , it gets me worried makind me feel guilty over having a job ,their were many circumstances where I was blamed for almost nothing, beaten up sometimes too. I always thought of it as the persons current situation making them do it and I always wanted to believe that it's not who they are. After 6 months of putting up with all this, I decided to move out (all I wanted was some space because by that point I was loosing myself). Just when I decided to move out, the person got hospitalized with some minor health issue. I wasn't able to leave at that stage so I decided to stay untill the person get cured. But those time and closeness made me stay further, I thought everything was back to normal. As soon as the person recovered, it started again, this time I made up my mind that my partner is a narcissist and toxic, and I got to leave(which was pretty hard since we were already living together for 1 year then). I took the decision soon after the person got an offer letter from a big company, I was relieved that the person will be financially fine hence forth and since they already have a good set of friends they will figure the rest. As for me, I have no friends it was just me and the traumas the person gave me, I knew it was my own fight, so I isolated myself from the outside world in order to recover.
I started my own business and was leading a successful life myself. After 2 years from that, some feelings shifted so I decided to give the person another chance (since the person was constantly trying to get in touch with me every now and then). All I wanted was to talk to the person and spend some quality time. But things got physical, the way they presented it I trusted that the person still loves me and that's why they want me, it was out of mutual consent. The day after, it hit me that the person has not changed a tiny bit in these 2 years and all they wanted was to satisfy their loneliness. I was left heartbroken. Months from then, I met with some of their friends who were also my mutual friends and from them I came to know what was told to be kept as secret, the person spread it among all his friends, they didn't stop there, they even portrait me as a gold digger in front of them(which I wouldn't agree with even if I was offered a million dollars). This event left a permanent scar in me. I went totally numb. Now after all these years I'm still numb, emotionless, feeling less and I don't feel the feeling of love anymore, I feel completely lost.