this honestly feels dumb to post because it feels so minor. regardless, this is my first time posting on here and i do need some feedback.
for context, i go to a very nice university in the US. i have plans to go to law school afterwards. this has nothing to do with what happened, its just some background.
since middle school, i’ve always taken academics seriously. i was diagnosed with ADHD in high school which was a huge part of my education and why i always felt like i struggled or worked harder than others. regardless, i did well.
however, in my sophomore year of high school and a few parts of middle school, i was severely depressed. i’ve always been anxious but i never had panic attacks until then. i always had a hard time controlling my emotions and regulating, but never to this extent. i engaged in self harm as a way to deal with this.
my family, mostly my parents, were the reason for this. i always felt hated and disliked within my family. my older brother said i was depressed for attention while my younger brother laughed at me. my dad made jokes about my “tantrums” while my mom ignored it and moved on. they always would assert their control by taking away all of the things that helped me with my anxiety and depression such as my books, my puzzles, and anything else that brought any amount of joy.
because of this, i don’t speak to my family much anymore. i was always shut out by them and i’ve found a new found family in college. i love college and don’t have to engage with my family.
however, over spring break, i decided to visit my family (which they paid for) and maybe try to rekindle a relationship.
i was wrong.
prior to coming, i told my family that i had finals and exams coming up that i needed to study on. my family arranged plans and invited me to come with. i had originally agreed but when i had to cancel these plans, my parents made a huge deal about it which completely made me spiral. i had another panic attack which i hadn’t had in months. i was sobbing and my parents called me ungrateful and spoiled. there was a whole other plethora of words i have since blocked out and there are many other details that i wont get into.
since then, my family has decided to move on and leave it be. i wont reach out and i refused to communicate. they also said they wanted me to apologize for lashing out again. they completely made me spiral into a panic attack and blamed on me being too focused on school and academics. when i told them my reaction was based on their actions, this is what they had to say.
am i wrong for this?