I am one of those ladies who were unfortunately blessed with small boobs, and while I kept getting unnecessary comments from my own mother and older sister about the size of my boobs and the "Walang nakakapitan" shitty jokes, I have learned to embrace being "flat-chested", given that I get to live a much more comfortable life than those with bigger boobs. Yes, because I've seen how women who have bigger boobs in my life live with it with discomfort written on all their faces—and it is truly a struggle.
It has always been a recurring sort of inside joke and shared laughter between my mother and my older sister about my small boobs, about me being flat-chested, about how small it is na wala siyang makapitan everytime I'd wear something that would, apparently, require a bigger size of boobs. Sa totoo lang, hindi naman ako insecure, I was even lowkey proud of it, because hey, I get to sleep on my stomach comfortably? I've even learned how to embrace it, kasi wala naman talagang mali sa ganoon, it just has never been a big deal to me.
I was able to tolerate most of their insensitive jokes, because even though it seemed harmless for them, again, I was just not insecure. I guess they just have this weird fascination of always making me the butt of the joke. But then, it gets to a point.
"Wala ka nga kasing boobs! Bakla ka ba?", "May orange dito, isuksok mo sa damit mo"
I don't know, pero nung narinig ko 'to sa ninang ko, medyo nasaktan ako ng kaunti, it triggered something in me. Kahit pabiro niyang sinabi yun, considering that she's a "joker", deep inside, it strucked a nerve in me, because seriously? Ano kinalaman ng salita na iyon dun sa boobs ko? I was in a good mood until she joked about my chest, hindi na lang ako umimik and nag make-face na lang ako na kunwari nakakatawa siya.
She said that hours ago and I still kept thinking about it, I've always been sure that I wasn't insecure, but now, I found myself being insecure, comparing myself to other girls who has it bigger than me, wondering why my mother and my sister were blessed with it but not me, wondering kung may kulang ba sa akin kung hindi malaki boobs ko, like what? Great.
Then I found myself feeling pissed because why the fuck do they care ba? Hindi ko naman kasalanan na maliit boobs ko, at lalong lalo na since hindi ko naman kontrolado 'to. Kung puwede lang sana palakihin boobs ko, ginawa ko na. Nakakakulang ba sa pagkababae kung maliit ang boobs, ha? Hindi naman siguro, diba? So I don't understand why the fuck is it such a big deal to them. Because it truly gets to a point na ang insensitive na ng jokes nila, but of course, "Biro lang namannnn".
Now, I've given myself a mental note that the next time they'd comment again about my flat chest, hell with it that I'll be standing up for myself, I wouldn't even care if I sound mean. These women needs to know their place especially when it comes to commenting on other people's body, like hello?