Wife used to be fully into the hotwife lifestyle but now despises it despite generally good experiences
My girlfriend and I used to have a consensual non-monogamous arrangement that was focused on her side. At the time, she was very into it, very enthusiastic about it, more than happy to oblige my needs and it honestly felt like a huge part of what made the relationship work for me sexually after awhile.
Now it feels like a complete 180. She acts disgusted by it, and even bringing it up seems to make her angry. That’s what has me so confused. I mean I did generally try to direct or suggest how I would have liked things to go, as playful encouragement just because she always had told me she loved 90% of the partners she had had. She had been very gung ho about it before, so I don’t understand what changed or why the reaction is so intense now. Like if I even hint that id love to see her doing some of the things she used to do(even small things like just simply talking about some of those previous partners), it ruins her mood for the rest of the day and leaves me wanting.
The hard part is that I feel really sexually unfulfilled without that dynamic. Not even necessarily her actually doing the deed, but like even talking about it was very fulfilling to me. I dread going home sometimes because I feel like I’m stuck in a relationship where I’m never going to get something that feels deeply important to me. At the same time, this isn’t a simple “just leave” situation, at least not currently. I love being around her, I enjoy spending time with her, and she meets a lot of my other needs really well and I believe I fulfill lots of hers as well.
Not to build a giant word wall here, but one of the partners she slept with ended up passing a very very minor STI onto her. That naturally freaked her out as it would anyone else. It was quickly remedied, and she even continued on after that, but roughly 2 months after the STI, she just admitted she had never loved it and never wanted to do it again. But like, throughout sooooo many relationships in my past, iv tried to get this dynamic going and they would never even attempt it. So I mean when my current partner dove head first into this world, I thought wow, now everything is where It needs to be for me and now for the last 8 months its been gone and it was easy to live without at first, but lately, its just been killing my sex drive. I dont get anything from just regular shmegular sex as im sure many of you can relate to. I need some mental stimulation at least, and thats become too much to ask for of her.
So I’m trying to sort out whether this is:
- me being overly sex-driven and needing to get over it,
- a real sexual incompatibility,
- something changed for her emotionally and I just don’t understand it,
- or a sign that this relationship no longer works for both of us in the way it used to.
In all honesty, I keep feeling like its just me being selfish as it is her body and I ultimately have no say in how she uses it. But like damnnnn, very disappointing lol.
Thank you for any advice for this very poorly structured issue. I used AI to abbreviate it for me, and naturally took alot of nuance and feel out of all of it. I apologize if this seems cold, has not been an easy thing for me to come to terms with.