The photos aren’t great I know. Its tail is dragging one the ground behind it and it doesn’t seem to be moving it at all. It also appears to be matted and/or wet, either way it’s not fluffy, probably because of the dragging. It’s running around and jumping and climbing just fine from what I can tell, but I still feel so bad :( Poor baby.
I wouldn’t talk about my issues with them anyway probably because I do not want to, but them saying stuff like this just makes it certain that I won’t. Is it possible that I’m MORE mentally stable than the rest of them? Maybe. That’s doesn’t mean I’m mentally stable though. I just have more self control and am better at lying apparently. I know it’s my fault, I’m the one who makes them believe I’m okay, but still, being put on a pedestal of the one who made it out unscathed, the strong one with mental fortitude, just means that I can’t break now or ever. Everyone is proud of me and so happy that I’m fine. I can’t let them know that it’s all bullshit, that I probably do need antidepressants or something, that I have self harmed in various ways and have never truly stopped, I’ve considered suicide quite often ( though luckily never really tried), that I hate myself and don’t know how not to. Because if they do find out, they’ll be so damn disappointed in me. They think I’m better than that. I know they don’t judge my siblings, but they’ve really only known them like this. They haven’t had the time to build up expectations. If I show that I’m not okay, they’ll think differently of me, they’ll mourn what could have been. They will probably judge me, though not to my face. I’m just so goddamn tired. I want to break down, and I’m probably going to, someday. And everything’s going to suck afterwards. But right now I have to be strong and I just really don’t fucking want to anymore.
Hope that all made sense!